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The Best Exotic French Silk Pie | Catastrophe Kitchen

Like every recipe I love, this French Silk Pie has a tiny work to reward ratio and includes only a few readily available ingredients. It is SO EASY, gais, and SO GOOD! Chocolate silk in your mouth. You will be the star of your Memorial Day festivities. Or birthday festivities. Or “I made a pie” festivities. And chances are you already have the stuff to make it in your cupboards!! GET TO IT.

Haul all your ingredients out first so the butter can start getting soft. Here’s what you need:

Crust:

8 oz. or 15 rectangles of graham crackers (a pack plus three more)
One stick or 4 oz. butter, melted
2 T sugar
OR
Buy a pre-made graham cracker crust, I’m not the boss of you

Filling:

6 oz. (a stick and a half) butter, softened
1 C sugar
2 t vanilla
4 oz. unsweetened chocolate
4 eggs

Topping:

One tub Cool Whip or 2 C whipped cream if you are gonna go all Martha Stewart

CAVEAT: This pie is old school, yo. Which means raw eggs and the (however slight) possibility of salmonella. If you are the kind of person who will not eat cookie dough, this is not the pie for you.

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The crust is the easiest thing in the world. Set the oven to 350. Crush the crumbs, melt the butter, mix it together, and pat it into a pan. I foolishly tried to save time by using my BRAND NEW food processor, for which I had not read the directions. It took me 30 freaking minutes to figure out how to use it. If you are a PROFESSIONAL KITCHENER, go ahead and use your food processor. Otherwise you can just put the crackers in a Ziploc bag and mash the shit out of them. Your choice.

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When they’re finely (finally) ground, add 2 tablespoons of sugar and your melted butter. Mix it together (or pulse in your food processor) until it kind of holds together. Dump it into a springform pan (the kind with a removable ring around it). I find that it’s easier to press the crumbs into the sides of the pan first and then get the bottom.

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Bake your crust for 10-12 minutes, or until it starts to get a touch brown.

While the crust is baking, clean up your mess, then chop and melt the chocolate. I put it in the microwave to melt it because ain’t nobody got time for a double boiler. Just zap it a few minutes at a time, checking and stirring after one minute then in 30 second increments. Mine took 3:30. Then let it cool. DO NOT TASTE IT!! It is unsweetened chocolate. It tastes like death right now.

Your crust is probably almost done at this point. CHECK IT, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. I accidentally put my convection feature on and it got overly brown. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD! No one will even SEE! Let’s CONTINUE!!

Put it somewhere it can cool (I like to put it in the fridge or freezer once the pan is cool to touch), and turn the oven off. The baking part is IN THE BAG. Now you get to make the good part, AKA The Entire Reason I Own a Kitchenaid Mixer. (Hint: there is A LOT of mixing in this part.)

Put your butter in the bowl and cream it– mix it on high for a couple minutes. When your chocolate has cooled a touch (you don’t want it to be hot, it will melt the butter and RUIN EVERYTHING), add it to the bowl along with the sugar and vanilla. Mix for about two minutes, or until it lightens in color and starts getting fluffy.

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Now for the super secret step that will make this pie better than ALL the other pies: An infinity of mixing. Add your eggs, one at a time, scraping down the bowl and the beater and mixing on high for TWO FULL MINUTES between egg additions. Yes, eight minutes of mixing, total. If you have a hand mixer, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but arm fatigue ain’t one. The reason you mix so much is 1.) to dissolve all of the sugar so your pie isn’t gritty, and 2.) to get the maximum loft out of your eggs. Also, 3.) because I said so.

After each mixing, the filling will lighten further and increase in volume. AND TASTINESS!!! Actually, if you tasted it after you added the sugar, then kept tasting it throughout, like a normal person tempted by sugar and chocolate, you might think the chocolate flavor is fading excessively. It’s not, you just shocked your tastebuds with the maximum chocolate at the beginning. To normal people, the end product is still super chocolatey.

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Pile it in your crust, even it out, press wax paper onto the top (so you don’t get a weird skin on it), and put it in the fridge for at least 2 hours. Then take off the paper and top with whipped cream. Keep it in the fridge until about 20 minutes before you serve it so it’s smooth and silky instead of firm. Take off the springform ring and SERVE that puppy!!

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At this point, my camera may have had cool whip on it from my excessive tasting. OR perhaps it was just the holy glow of deliciousness making a halo around the pie.

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Once again, you are the star of the day. Everyone loves you just a little bit more than they did before. And you have this baby in your arsenal. You are unstoppable.

 

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2 Comments on The Best Exotic French Silk Pie | Catastrophe Kitchen

  1. This is the best chocolate silk pie I have ever tasted and you made me love you a little bit more at “I got 99 problems”.

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