Warning: I am still recovering from last week’s episode. Pardon me if I randomly shout “MEGSTIEL FOREVER!” at you.
Conway Springs, Kansas. Clearly makeout point. Two kids are playing tonsil hockey and…hey! Wait a minute! One of ‘em is Krissy Chambers, otherwise known as Miss Teen Hunter USA, from the episode “Adventures in Babysitting!” Krissy is getting her mack on with a boy named Aiden, at least until both of them see shadows dash by the car and the hood flies up. Aiden heads outside to see what’s up, though Krissy protests. All of a sudden, Krissy is dragged out the smashed car window, but before anyone can chomp on her, Aiden cuts off the attacker’s head. Another girl, Josephine, steps out of the shadows, where, we see in the background, a blue van is waiting that none of the kids seem to notice. Krissy tells Josephine that next time, one of them can be the bait. Aiden recognizes the vamp, and tells the others. “One down, two to go,” Krissy says, ominously. America, meet your new Fred, Daphne and Velma. (Sam’s already killed Scooby Doo and Shaggy must be in rehab.)
Sam and Dean pull up in the Impala in the Fed suits. Apparently, things are getting vampy and they are on the hunt. Dean offers to let Sam sit it out, in case he isn’t up to it. Sam counters, asking Dean how he’s doing. Dean is confused, until he realizes that Sam is talking about his favorite subject. “What, like my FEELINGS?” Dean asks, disgusted. Sam offers an ear. Dean stares him down, before adding, “Okay. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t I go get some herbal tea…” “Okay,” Sam interjects, opening the door. “And you find some Cowboy Junkies on the dial…” “Eat me, Dean,” Sam retorts, leaving the car. “And you know what? We’ll just talk it out.” Dean looks around the empty car. “Good talk,” he decides. “Nay, great talk! Very healthy.” And I like them so much. Nay, love them so much. Those adorable bastards.
In the police station, a very weird cop wants to talk about the “Ladykiller Murders” which he has proudly coined himself. The boys are unimpressed. Apparently, there is vampy action in town. There is also a video of the new Scoobies beheading the vamp. Dean recognizes Krissy right away. He demands that the APB weirdo cop has put out be rescinded and that he remand the footage immediately. As they leave the station, Dean tells Sam why, and they theorize about what happened to Krissy’s dad, and the normal life that he promised to give her. Dean wants to find and protect Krissy, as Dean is wont to do. Lucky Krissy.
Cut to Krissy at a seedy motel, bribing a desk clerk to rent her a room. She sets up a surveillance camera and gets her weapons ready. Aiden tries to hit on her, but she says she has a boyfriend (clearly a ruse.) I say, out loud, “She’s doing what any normal girl would do—saving herself for Dean Winchester.” This amuses my husband greatly. Anyway, Aiden doesn’t care, until Krissy tells him to kiss her ass. Josephine walks in and they set up to gank, equipping Aiden with a weirdly black and white camera to transmit his locale. He wants kisses from the girls for good luck. “How about I punch you in the throat instead?” asks Josephine. I enjoy her. And so does the smiling Krissy.
Josephine and Aiden chat amiably as they head to the gank. They see blood in the hall as they use lockpicks to break into the vamp’s room. We cut to Sam and Dean, breaking into Krissy’s room. She pulls a gun on them, prompting a calm, “Hey, Krissy,” from Dean, who tells her they have come to save her bacon. Mmmmm. Dean…and bacon. Delicious. Sorry. Krissy wonders how they found her when she paid cash everywhere. “We paid cash too—just more,” says Dean. That’d work. Apparently, Krissy’s dad is dead, and she shows them her computer, and that the Scoobies have everything under control.
Except, of course, they don’t. Josephine gets jumped. Sam and Dean bust in to save them and the vamp gets away, breaking through another balsawood window. Dean looks out, and sees, weirdly, the blue van again. Krissy chases the vamp, prompting, of course, a “Son of a bitch!” from Dean, who pursues. Sam wants to call an ambulance for the vic. Josephine says she will stabilize her for the paramedics and Sam looks impressed. Outside, Krissy drops the vamp with darts filled with dead man’s blood. Then it is Dean’s turn to look impressed. He asks where the blue van is that the vamp was “Usain Bolt-ing” it to? Krissy has no idea what he is talking about.
Dean goes to kill the vamp, but Krissy stops him. Josephine appears, telling the sad story about how this vamp killed her family. The vamp is clearly new, and frightened and denies everything Josephine accuses him of. She doesn’t care. She beheads him with one swift strike. Sam and Dean are stunned. Krissy tells Josephine it’s over. Dean wants to talk to Krissy privately, which makes Aiden jealous. Krissy says she and Dean “have a past.” And I am jealous. Of a teenager. Who is fictional.
Dean asks Krissy for a recap. Apparently, Dad gave her as normal a life as he could—until she woke up to him, dead. Vamped. Dean is sorry. Josephine and Aiden also lost their families to vamps. Dean tells her that while he is sorry for all of them, hunting isn’t all about killing and revenge. Wait—what? It seems like it is for you, Dean. Anyway, he wants to take her to an aunt in Cincinnati. She tells him “Victor” will have a problem with that. Apparently, Victor has taken them all in. Like the X-Men. Except she says they aren’t the X-Men. But whatever, Rogue. “Victor’s helping us get revenge,” she says. “Yeah? Well, I don’t care what he is, he sucks,” Dean argues. They got caught, and Dean saved them. They argue about whether average Joe needs to know about the things that go bump in the night. Krissy stalks off, saying she isn’t a little kid anymore. “Wow,” Dean mouths. Teenagers, eh?
The kids bundle the vamp body into their car as the boys convene. They decide to go talk to Victor, who is apparently a hunter they have met before. The kids take the boys to Victor’s, which is a nice, normal house. Dean, apparently, expected a little more “Lord of the Flies, less Huxtables.” Victor Rogers appears, and Sam reintroduces them. Victor embraces Josephine, who clearly loves him. She promises to move on, but never forget. He tells her to go study for her Trig test. DAMN IT! You’d think icing a vamp would excuse you from homework, but noooooo. Victor tells Aiden to go clean his room. Krissy promises a full report on the gank in the morning, and Victor is pleased. She heads toward her room. Sam seems impressed. Dean remains suspicious.
Apparently, Victor keeps the kids in school, gives them a home. A family. Dean protests: they are kids who shouldn’t be hunting at all. Victor disagrees. Sam doesn’t want them to die. Victor tells the boys that his mission is to make the next generation of hunters better than they are. Victor goes on to insult Martin and Garth, taking it one step too far when he says, “I know you two loved that Bobby guy, but he was a barely functional alcoholic.” “HEY!” I yell, pissed off. “Watch it,” Dean says coolly, not shooting him like I wish he would. Apparently, all of the kids are doing well—they are the “cream of the crop, the Beatles, the dream team!” And he thinks they will change the face of hunting.
The boys head out. Sam is impressed, still. Dean still thinks it stinks. He doesn’t think kids should hunt. They argue the point, back and forth, and it is clear that Sam wants to believe this situation works because he wants to believe that you can hunt and have a normal life. Dean knows better. They decide to protect the kids by hunting the vamps themselves. Dean is going to question the last vic, while Sam “keeps an eye on the Brady Bunch.” As Dean drives away, the blue van pulls up and a creepy guy in a hoodie looks out at the house.
It is morning, and there is a waffle breakfast, even. “Krissy’s fave,” says Victor. Josephine is studying Trig, and Victor calls Aiden on his manners. It is very normal, and Sam clearly loves it. Victor asks Sam if he has any kids. “No,” Sam says. “Do you want any?” Vistor asks. “I don’t know,” says Sam. “Trust me—the answer is yes,” Victor says, showing Sam a photo of his wife and children, all dead at the claws of a Wendigo. Sam wonders if this is why Victor is helping the kids. Victor says he wants to give them a better life than they had. Sam seems to want that, too.
Dean is talking to the vic. Apparently, the vamp (Jimmy) was a war hero, and was just turned a couple of weeks prior. Thus, he could not have killed Josephine’s family. Also? She was abducted by a guy in a blue van in a hoodie, and Jimmy was apologetic about her being kidnapped. Now Dean knows: something ain’t right.
Back at the house, the kids come in. Victor has pulled them from school early to gank the vamp that killed Krissy’s dad. Victor has a whole file on her. Sam, however, is suspicious. The file looks staged. Krissy, however, is convinced and looking to fight. Dean calls, and he and Sam compare notes. They know something weird is happening. “Never trust a guy who wears a sweater,” Dean advises, soberly. Sam looks outside and sees the blue van. He shows Victor, who says, “Looks like we’re goin’ hunting.”
At the hotel, Dean bribes the desk clerk into telling him where the vamp was headed: a lodge that is closed for the season. Dean heads out, on a mission. He breaks into the lodge, and sees a female vamp, petrified and tied up. She has no idea what has happened to her, not even when her fangs show. Apparently, she was vamp-knapped by the guy in the blue van. Krissy and the Scoobies show up, and turn their guns on Dean.
Back in the neighborhood, Sam and Victor hunt the hoodie vamp. Just as they are about to bag him, Victor pistol whips Sam in the back of the head. BASTARD! He and hoodie vamp nod toward each other, clearly in cahoots.
Dean tries to hold the kids off. He tells Krissy that she is barking up the wrong tree, and tries to tell her that vamp is innocent—fresh made. He tries to convince them, but the kids won’t budge. “Look, last time I’m going to ask you nicely—take the damned guns off of me or somebody’s going to get hurt,” Dean growls. “Big talk,” says Aiden. “I know, isn’t it,” Dean says with a grin, disarming Aiden without blinking. Rrrrraaaaoooowwwrrr.
Dean wants to save the vamp, since she hasn’t fed. He reminds Krissy that hunting is more than murder and revenge. Oh, fine, I guess, I say. Krissy wants the vamp who killed her dad to pay. “Let’s not be so bloodthirsty that just anyone will do,” Dean says. Showing that he has matured in more ways that the lines of his handsome, handsome face. He wants to pack the vamp to go and ask Victor themselves.
At the house, Sam is tied up. Again. Must be Wednesday. Hoodie McVamp and Victor are staging a set for Dean and the Kids (sounds like a particularly corny band name, but whatever) to walk in on, where the vamp nest has iced a new loved one: Sam. Victor doesn’t want anyone poisoning his kid’s minds. “Other than yourself, that is,” Sam adds, irritated. “I don’t need to justify my actions to you or your self-righteous ass of a brother!” Victor snarls. Mmmmmm…Dean’s ass. Sorry. I digress. Hoodie vamps out while Victor goes on and on about war and survival and being a father, and, as Crowley would say, blah, blah, blah. Dean and the Kids walk in. Dean knows exactly what is happening, but the kids are confused. Victor tries to turn them against our boys, but Sam shouts the truth. “It’s complicated,” Victor says, eventually. Dean tells them it really isn’t: Victor has had Hoodie creating fresh vamps for the kids to fight for easy kills. Victor admits that the vamps they killed and the new girl didn’t kill their families. In fact, Hoodie says, “I did. And they all screamed and begged for mercy, especially the little ones.” “Enough, Seth!” Victor barks, and I wonder why we are learning his name right before he gets beheaded.
Victor tries to explain himself, admitting that he scouted the kids and had their families killed to motivate them. It was worth it, to create better hunters, he says. It is bigger than all of us. Krissy shakes her head at the other kids, and Hoodie takes Aiden hostage. Victor says they are leaving, and Krissy stands against him. Krissy shoots Hoddie in the eye with her darts, putting him down. She holds her gun to Victor. “We don’t kill people,” Dean reminds her. “You don’t kill people.” Krissy shoots at him with an empty gun, over and over, dropping the unused bullets at his feet. Proud Dean is proud. Krissy says she wants to leave Victor alone—with nothing. They turn to go, to save the vamp girl. Victor pulls a gun, startling everyone, but in the end, he only kills himself.
It is morning. The kids are saving the vamp girl. Dean tells Krissy he is proud of her. “Shut up, before I punch you,” she says, earning a look of chagrin. Sam hands Krissy her dad’s necklace, and she is pleased. Dean and Sam want to bring her to her aunt, but she wants to stay with Aiden and Josephine. Most unrealistic part of the show? Girl turns down being trapped with Sam and Dean in a car for hours and hours. Anyway, Dean calls her on it, saying she likes Aiden and wants to stay. Krissy denies this. Uh huh, thinks Dean. Krissy convinces Dean to agree to let her stay. He says she isn’t a kid anymore. “You’re all right for an old guy,” she says. “Really not that old,” Dean argues. “You keep telling yourself that,” Krissy says. Dean tells her Garth will check in on her every now and then, and offers her a fist-bump. She offers him a kiss on the cheek instead, and says goodbye.
“YEAH, GOODBYE, DEAN!” Aiden shouts. Dean wants to have a little talk with Aiden. “Yeah, I know, you’ll kill me if I ever hurt her and blah blah…” he says, dismissively. “No, no,” Dean says, looking at Krissy. “She’ll kill you.” He pats Aiden on the shoulder, wishing him “Good luck,” with a look of doubt. Knowing Krissy? He’ll need it.
Sam and Dean walk to the car. “This is good,” Sam said. “Is it?” Dean asks. He tells Sam that the only way they can have a real life is to shut the gates of hell. “Maybe they won’t be the only ones,” Sam adds to himself, as we fade to black.
Coming next: “Taxi Driver” in which the trials continue. Will Sam die, again? Probably. And look damned good doing it. See you next week!