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Sweatpants & Parenting | Things Kids Say

Children are full of wisdom and humor and truth. If you pay attention, you can learn a lot, but don’t read any of these while sipping your coffee or we can’t be responsible for your keyboard.

Things Kids Say (7)

When I asked my son about his girl friend on the play ground:
Him: She makes me so mad.
Me: Why does she make you so mad?
Him: Because she wants to kiss me ALL THE DAYS.
Me: And you don’t like that?
Him: No, I’m not a grown-up who likes KISSING. I just like to kiss Mama, and that’s it.

Things Kids Say (2)

“I told my son that he shouldn’t say “OH MY GOD!!!” unless he is praying because some people will find that offensive.
So now, when he wants to pray, he doesn’t start out with “Dear God.”
You guessed it. This morning?
“OH MY GOD, why do we only have two arms?”

Things Kids Say (1)

After I sing “Rock-a-bye Baby” to my son:
Him: What are they talking about, “the BOUGH breaks?”
Me: It’s a branch. The crib is in a tree, and the branch breaks, and the baby falls out.
Him: WHAT?!? HAHAHAHAHAHA!! He would be, like, thrown off the branch, and then hit the branch, and he would be dead already. “When the wind blows, the baby will die” is how it should be.
Me: Yeah, that makes more sense. Pretty dark, though.
Him: Mama, that is messed up. The baby is DEAD.

Things Kids Say (6)

When I asked my youngest why he and his brothers couldn’t get along: “I am NEVER going to be friends with my brothers, even when they have a million dollars. They are too mean to deserve it.”

Things Kids Say (3)

My younger brother complaining about the accuracy of weather reporting: “Remember last year when the weatherman kept saying it would snow and then it didn’t snow, and kept saying it would snow and then it didn’t snow, and KEPT SAYING IT WOULD SNOW, and then it DIDN’T SNOW? Well, if that happens again this year, I am DONE with the news.”

Things Kids Say (5)

My small cousin was listening to us talking about how much drinking and driving there is where her moms lives, and she pipes up with, “My daddy drinks while he drives, even when I tell him not to! He doesn’t listen to me!” We ask her what he drinks. “Coffee!”

Things Kids Say (4)

To my seven-year-old son, trying to prompt him to tell me that he should be washing his face after eating dinner:
Me: Okay, so now it’s time to wash your f… ???
Him: (hardly paying attention) Fagina.
Me: WHAT?! NO! FACE!
Him: Ohhh! Haha. Face. That makes MUCH more sense because I don’t HAVE a fagina.

Things Kids Say (8)

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About Shandle Blaha (150 Articles)
Shandle is the Operations Director for Sweatpants & Coffee. She works from home so she wears yoga pants every day and loves some coffee in her cream and sugar. A rerun of Friends is always on her TV and her stack of books to read is always growing. She and her husband love to travel and you can follow her travels on Instagram at: shandle_spc.

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