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Sweatpants & TV | Supernatural, Season 12, Episode One: “Keep Calm and Carry On”

By Barbara Doyle

Annnnnnnnd…we’re back, people! In the Season Twelve (Eeek!!!) Premiere we find out what happened to Sam, why the British Men of Letters are, like, the worst, what Crowley’s up to since Lucifer is still on the run, and if Dean’s grounded now that his mom is home.

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Mother and Child Reunion

“Are you…really…real?” Of course poor Dean can’t believe his eyes. Mary’s back, and immediately proving her hunter badassery by flipping him down to the ground and putting her foot across his throat. I must admit, as a mom, I got choked up when Dean confessed who he was and Mary said, “No. My Dean is four years old.” Seeing her flash back and know the truth was crushing, even as we learned so much about Mary and John through Dean’s desperate attempt to convince her he was who he said he was. The stories were so touching, so bittersweet, that they could only lead to the one thing that might unbreak our hearts, the thing that Dean has longed for his whole life but never actually believed he’d get. To feel—really feel—his mother’s embrace again. Yep. There was something in my eye(s).

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(Season) Twelve Angry Men

All hail the new title card! The Aquarian Star blazing across the screen sets the scene for us learning more about the Men of Letters this season. And what we’ve learned so far? We already know, as I said, that the British Chapter is the worst when it comes to international relations, but apparently they are the best at keeping people from being killed by monsters. They’ve got an amazing trespass warning system in place that, in the words of Lady Toni, causes a monster to be found in twenty minutes, and be dead in forty. Monsters? Found out, caught and taken out quickly? Sounds like something we Americans can use. Especially in this election year.

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Building a Mystery

This was a little moment, but a cool one. When Cas comes crashing (literally) back to earth he smashes his way through a sign advertising…a Mystery Spot! As “Mystery Spot” is a fan favorite episode it was a cool nod. I also love that angry Cas is back, and I’m looking forward to seeing if, as it did in this episode, his badassery returns the season as healthily as Mary’s did. I miss Season Four Cas. Do you?

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Dear John

Mary still has a ton more questions, and we did too—would she remember meeting Dean when he traveled back in time? When she was a ghost? Turns out she did not. But what she did remember? John. Her tears for John reminded us all that she not only lost 33 years with her children, she lost the love of her life, too. I’m no fool. I know that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is busy swinging a baseball bat on another well-loved TV show, but I can’t help but wish Dean got his dad back, too. To see a John and Mary reunion? I’m not sure my heart could take it, but I’d love to see it try.

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Shading People, Hunting Wings

Crowley’s stalking the last known locations of Lucifer, and you gotta wonder what he’s planning to do once he finds him. Until then, we got to enjoy the two demons that were assigned clean up duty in the wake of Lucifer’s body drop. In particular? The demon that once possessed a 14 year old girl and still talked exactly like one. Crowley’s eyeroll reaction to it was hilarious. I’m looking forward to seeing how Crowley’s plans pan out. He wants his seat as King of Hell back. What is he going to have to go through to get it?

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Sam? Tied to a chair? Must be Thursday.

We’ve seen Jared Padalecki portray the torture of Sam Winchester before, and you’d think after all these years we’d be bored of it, but no. The man still has the ability to make us cringe when he screams in pain, even as Sam shows incredible resolve. Sam is strong. He’s been the plaything of the devil himself, and his only answer to their every question is “Screw. You.” But man, it sucked seeing our Sammy tortured. Especially when Ms. Watt burned his foot with a blowtorch (GAH!!!!) Take note Ms. Watt: when Dean sees Sam marked up and shot and burned and nearly frozen? He’s gonna be pissssssssed.

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Baby Got Back(seat)

Another brief moment of levity in the episode? Mary’s reaction to that gorgeous Impala. She strokes her gently, telling Dean how beautiful she still is, and, in probably my favorite moment of the whole episode, leans over into her window and says, ever so gently, a lovely smile on her face, “Hi sweetheart. Remember me?” Dean was touched, too, until Mary looked pointedly at the backseat and seemed to be doing a little naughty reminiscing. I found it adorable. Dean? Decidedly did not.

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Destielary

Mary, Dean and Cas made a pretty good team, didn’t they? Of course, Mary is a little bit behind on the times (welcome to the age of staring at devices, Mary) but she’s very current on her methods of killing people. After Baby gets smashed into by Ms. Watt’s car (NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) and Ms. Watt proceeds to kick both Dean and Cas’ asses using some pretty effing spectacular enchanted MoL brass knuckles, it is Mary who runs her through. “Thanks, Mom,” Dean says, and it’s nice to know that if she couldn’t teach them to be hunters at least she taught them manners. She also gave them strength, in more ways that one. Seeing Dean fold a cell phone in half after a frustrating talk with Toni? Hot as hell, am I right?

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Scattered Pictures

Sam comes to and he’s untied. Free, sort of. Unfortunately, his freedom came at a price. Toni has injected him with something that makes him hallucinate, and it’s not as fun as it sounds. He sees the deaths of people he loves—Kevin, Sarah, Dean, Mary and, as a real sucker punch to the gut, Jessica. He keeps hearing Dean’s voice blaming him. Calling him a freak. Telling him it should have been him who died. And he agrees with him. He smashes the mirror in the room and slits his own throat. Wait. WHAT?! Oh, okay. It was a ruse. Sam, once again, cut his hand open to get out of hallucinating and spilled the blood to fake Toni out so she would come in and get her ass beat. Unfortunately, and this had me yelling at the TV, he knocked her out but didn’t tie her up, so she managed to get the upper hand back (with the assist of a handy dandy cattle prod) and lock him back in the basement. Where he’ll sit. Lost and alone. Thinking Dean is dead and Cas is gone and no one is coming to help. For another whole week, at least. DAMN IT!

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Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

Mary’s having a hard time adjusting to her newfound resurrection. “You okay?” Dean asks Mary. “No,” she admits, telling Dean she never wanted this for her children. “Mom, I get it, I do,” Dean replies. “If I had kids I wouldn’t want them in this. But Sam and me? Saving people, hunting things—this is our life. I think we make the world a better place. I know that we do.” That particular piece of truth gave me the warm fuzzies. But will Mary accept what the boys are now? Will she be able to embrace her former life and join them? As Baby races through the night, carrying Destielary (yes, I’m going with it) to where they hope Sam can be found, she considers it, while Cas ponders, Dean worries, and Sam waits for what’s next, sure that help will never come.

We’re off to a hell of good start people! See you next week for episode two, “Mama Mia”!

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