My kid just ate 43 ninja turtle cookies for breakfast if you're wondering what kind of mom I am.
— Jennifer Nettles (@JenniferNettles) July 21, 2016
Start your Friday like a rockstar by having a toddler dramatically scream-cry at you for 15 minutes straight, just because you exist.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) July 22, 2016
My kid went to bed tonight without putting up a fight. I feel like I just won the lotto. It's the small victories I swear
— Taylor Ervin (@taylor_ervin) July 21, 2016
I didn't realize a glass soap dispenser was a weapon of mass destruction. But thanks to my kid, I know that now.
— Tiffany Hunter (@lifeattiffanys) July 18, 2016
My 2-year-old is telling everyone "good luck" when they go into the bathroom
I'm suddenly concerned about what she thinks happens in there.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 22, 2016
My kid just made me act out with her the entire video of thriller. She played the girl. I played Michael and all the zombies. I hurt my neck
— christina applegate (@1capplegate) July 19, 2016
I fed one of my kids a bacon bits sandwich for dinner the other day so I wouldn't try to give me too many guidelines for watching yours.
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) July 21, 2016
Neighbor's toddler just took off her bathing suit & left the pool crying & I'm all, same.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) July 20, 2016
I’m going to miss the days when the only help my son needed was taking a sticker off his foot.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) July 22, 2016
When they said having a kid changes you, I didn't realize they meant into a person who is ok with a toddler brushing your hair while peeing.
— Goodnight Sanity (@GoodnightSanity) July 19, 2016
The way I sit there and desperately hope my daughter doesn't finish her fish fingers so that I can eat them is so pathetic.
— Elis James (@elisjames) July 22, 2016
Parenting is wondering what is making all the noise rolling around in the car and discovering 6 small boulders covered in glitter paint.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) July 20, 2016
Having watched my kid's reaction to learning he could plug a toy fire house into real garden hose, I think I understand lotto winners
— dadpression (@Dadpression) July 19, 2016
Taking 3 to the drive-in for the second time this week. Because parenting with a normal amount of exhaustion isn't good enough.
— Tiffany Hunter (@lifeattiffanys) July 17, 2016
My kids named their stuffed shark toy Dr. Therapist. Excuse me while I stand in a dark room contemplating every parenting decision I've made
— Lady Doore (@KmAlbroRice) July 18, 2016