The latest episode of Girls, titled “She Said Ok,” continues the theme of the season, which seems to be “Adam is the only person on this show with any sense whatsoever.” To that end, we learn several valuable life lessons. What are they? I’m so glad you asked!

Girls Season 3 Episode 3

1) There’s a reason you should pay someone to cut your hair.
      The episode starts with Hannah clipping Adam’s hair, and while he doesn’t care (“It grows. It shrinks. You can’t get attached,” our wise Neanderthal proclaims), I’m pretty sure nobody wants to hear their supposed stylist say, “I’m a lot better at this when I’m not in the middle of an obsessive-compulsive meltdown.” Plus… well, let’s be honest: It’s been well-established that nobody should ever look to Hannah for any form of fashion advice. Ever.
2) Sometimes, it’s easier to love pets than your fellow human beings.
     Adam’s sister swings by in a state of distress because she’s been dumped. “How can a man who loves animals with such a haunting totality just turn around and brutally rebuff me?” she asks. For those who at this point were thinking, “The chick playing Adam’s sis, Caroline, looks familiar,” let me offer up this clue as to her identity. “I know a girl who was raped on B!” That’s right, it’s Gaby Hoffman, best known in my house as Stephie from the cult classic 200 Cigarettes. (If you haven’t seen it, stop reading right now and watch it. Seriously.)
3) Adam is always right.
Of course, Hannah immediately bonds with Adam’s overly dramatic sis, rolling out the red carpet. But Adam’s having none of it. “You can wipe your nose with some toilet paper, and then you can get lost!” This being Adam, there’s an expletive or two in there, but I digress.  Despite his prediction that trouble will follow, Hannah convinces Adam to let his sister stay. How does that work out? Well, see the title of this section and continue reading…
4) My 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Randall, could never cut it today.
   At least not according to Caroline, who insists she was fired because, “Nobody trusts a young, beautiful teacher. They only want old, stinky ones!”
5) You can’t trust old people.
   Turns out that Adam doesn’t trust his sister because she “tried to euthanize grandma Helen!” But how can you blame Caroline? As she explains, “She asked me to! She said she was terminal! I’m sorry I believed our dying grandma!”
6) Turns out there is such a thing as bad publicity.
Charlie and Marnie may be history, but the same can’t be said of a music video they made together. There she is, on YouTube, performing Edie Brickell’s “What I Am.” Apparently, this does not sit well with Marnie, who tries — with no success — getting it removed from the site. Honestly, this plot point makes no sense to me as Marnie is a creature who craves attention (more on that in a bit), so it seems like she’d be thrilled.
7) When people tell you who they are through word or deed, believe them.
    That phrase — and later, the meaning of it — was taught to me by a former friend with more than a little in common with Adam’s cray cray sister, who declares, “I have just recently become keenly aware of the challenge I present to those around me.” A flash of some bruises later, and Caroline’s being invited by the guest of honor to Hannah’s birthday party that evening.
8) Business school is a scam.
   Ray’s boss, who loves him “like a bastard son,” boils down everything you need to know thusly: “Don’t hit anyone, don’t schtup anyone, clean so the rats don’t get tempted, and you’ve got yourself a business!”
9) There’s no compliment like a backhanded compliment.
   As Hannah’s birthday party gets underway, her dad says how nice she looks. “I keep telling her she could look like this every day if she wanted to,” chimes in Marnie. Shoshanna manages to top even that remark by telling her gal pals, “It’s really amazing that all three of you have accomplished so little in the four years since college!”
10) What you want on your birthday matters not a bit.
She may not want anyone seeing her music video, but Marnie desperately wants to storm the stage and recreate Hannah’s 21st birthday, at which they sang a duet of “Take Me Or Leave Me” from Rent. “I cherish you on an interpersonal level,” says Hannah, “love this party. The last thing I want to do is sing anything from Rent.” If you think that pretty straight-forward sentence prevents Marnie from basically forcing her gal pal to do exactly that, you don’t know her at all.
11) The internet is for two things: porn and nastiness of a non-porn variety.
     “The people are so mean in the comment section!” says Shoshanna of the reaction to Marnie’s YouTube video. Winning herself the title of “second smartest person in tonight’s episode,” Marnie proclaims, “I don’t read comments.”
12) God helps those who help themselves. And then kicks the crap outta them.
    Unable to get the attention of a bartender, Ray bonds with a dude named Koby, who steals them a couple of beers. Unfortunately, Ray’s new pal happens to be Shoshanna’s date for the shindig. The whole night turns into a crapfest for Ray, who winds up being bitten by Caroline (yes, bitten), sharing an awkward chat with Shoshanna and getting into a bar fight with Hannah’s editor, David. On the plus side, the fight winds up derailing the already-in-progress forced duet that Hannah wanted nothing to do with.
13) Did I mention that Adam is always right?

     Throughout the episode, Adam continues issuing warnings about his sister. Subtle tidbits like, “She starts out great, but then she’ll flush all your fish down the toilet because they need to be free” and “She doesn’t even have the common courtesy to implode alone. All must go down with her!” So it’s not surprising that after scoring big points by presenting the birthday girl with a tooth necklace (“It’s either mine or Caroline’s, my mom put them all in one box, but it’s definitely my genetic material!”), their attempt to have sex is interrupted by his crazy, half-naked sister (the bottom half, if you must know… which needs some tending, if you must know). Caroline crushes a glass in her hand, embedding glass in her hand and herself in the guest bedroom. “She got in,” sighs Adam. “I told you. And she won. Okay? She won.” Proving herself the queen of inappropriateness, Hannah asks if he still wants to have sex. “No!” Adam replies. “That makes sense,” she concedes.

What did you think of the episode? Will Caroline spell doom for Adam and Hannah’s relationship? Ever had a birthday as interesting as Hannah’s? (If so, we most definitely want to hear about it!) Hit the comments!

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