A certain smokin’ hot actress was quoted as saying that sweatpants are the number one reason for divorce. I’m certain she was kidding, but the more I thought about the sentiment, the more I was troubled, because if this is true, I’m getting dumped any day now. Good news: it isn’t true. You can be comfortable and loved. In fact, here are five ways sweatpants have made my marriage better:
1. A comfy wife is a playful, happy wife. I feel like I can move and breathe, and this makes me cheerful, or at the very least, significantly less bitchy. A woman oppressed by zippers and unforgiving fabrics is 500 times more likely to be irritable. This is a scientific fact I just made up. Skinny jeans are like a corset for your ass. This is 2015. I declare my freedom!
2. Sexy doesn’t have a dress code. Sweatpants are the clothing equivalent of a warm hug. They accept me. They embrace me. And when I feel accepted for who I am, I’m more confident. You know what’s hot? CONFIDENCE.
3. Sweatpants are soft. They make me soft, in a good way. I’m a tactile person, and as such, I tend to be sensitive to textures. Surrounding my body with softness reduces my stress level. When I’m less stressed, I’m more open and loving.
4. When my husband hits on me in my sweatpants, I know he means it. Not that his attention when I’m all dolled up isn’t wonderful, but some of the best parts of our marriage are the unglamorous, unfiltered, casual moments of connection and recognition. Plus? Seriously – try just doing stuff to your partner when you happen to be wearing your sweatpants. I doubt he or she will give any damns about your attire.
5. Sweatpants are a state of mind, and when I’m in it/them, I’m more tolerant. It means my beloved is also free to be his most comfortable. We endeavor to remain considerate and we try, oh, how we try, to keep paying attention to each other even though, you know: life. But we’re not lugging around all that tiresome judgment.
I still love knocking the socks off my guy when I come out with my hair did and my makeup on and a fancy outfit. It’s fun to see the flare of appreciation and attraction in his eyes. I love it when he cleans up and spritzes on some of that cologne that drives me crazy and we go out for a meal at a place that doesn’t have chicken nuggets on the menu. Those evenings don’t happen as much as we’d like, probably, but of all the challenges we face, I’d have to say sweatpants is NOT one of them. I’m glad. I’ve had relationships where I would never have felt secure enough to be messy and imperfect. They were exhausting. For us, marriage is many things, but above all, it’s a safe place to rest in. It’s a place to see the other and to be seen, and to know that you are loved because of your sweatpants-wearing self, not in spite of it. It’s a place where you can be as vulnerable and soft as fleece.