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5 Ways Sweatpants Make My Marriage Better

A certain smokin’ hot actress was quoted as saying that sweatpants are the number one reason for divorce. I’m certain she was kidding, but the more I thought about the sentiment, the more I was troubled, because if this is true, I’m getting dumped any day now. Good news: it isn’t true. You can be comfortable and loved. In fact, here are five ways sweatpants have made my marriage better:

Hanging with my dude in the Tiny Office Pod.

Hanging with my dude in the Tiny Office Pod.

1. A comfy wife is a playful, happy wife. I feel like I can move and breathe, and this makes me cheerful, or at the very least, significantly less bitchy. A woman oppressed by zippers and unforgiving fabrics is 500 times more likely to be irritable. This is a scientific fact I just made up. Skinny jeans are like a corset for your ass. This is 2015. I declare my freedom!

2. Sexy doesn’t have a dress code. Sweatpants are the clothing equivalent of a warm hug. They accept me. They embrace me. And when I feel accepted for who I am, I’m more confident. You know what’s hot? CONFIDENCE.

3. Sweatpants are soft. They make me soft, in a good way. I’m a tactile person, and as such, I tend to be sensitive to textures. Surrounding my body with softness reduces my stress level. When I’m less stressed, I’m more open and loving.

4. When my husband hits on me in my sweatpants, I know he means it. Not that his attention when I’m all dolled up isn’t wonderful, but some of the best parts of our marriage are the unglamorous, unfiltered, casual moments of connection and recognition. Plus? Seriously – try just doing stuff to your partner when you happen to be wearing your sweatpants. I doubt he or she will give any damns about your attire.

5. Sweatpants are a state of mind, and when I’m in it/them, I’m more tolerant. It means my beloved is also free to be his most comfortable. We endeavor to remain considerate and we try, oh, how we try, to keep paying attention to each other even though, you know: life. But we’re not lugging around all that tiresome judgment.

I still love knocking the socks off my guy when I come out with my hair did and my makeup on and a fancy outfit. It’s fun to see the flare of appreciation and attraction in his eyes. I love it when he cleans up and spritzes on some of that cologne that drives me crazy and we go out for a meal at a place that doesn’t have chicken nuggets on the menu. Those evenings don’t happen as much as we’d like, probably, but of all the challenges we face, I’d have to say sweatpants is NOT one of them. I’m glad. I’ve had relationships where I would never have felt secure enough to be messy and imperfect. They were exhausting. For us, marriage is many things, but above all, it’s a safe place to rest in. It’s a place to see the other and to be seen, and to know that you are loved because of your sweatpants-wearing self, not in spite of it. It’s a place where you can be as vulnerable and soft as fleece.

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About Nanea Hoffman (244 Articles)
Nanea Hoffman is the founder of Sweatpants & Coffee. She writes, she makes things, and she drinks an inordinate amount of coffee. She is also extremely fond of sweatpants. She believes in love, peace, joy, comfort, and caffeinated beverages.

2 Comments on 5 Ways Sweatpants Make My Marriage Better

  1. RIGHT ON, NANEA.

    And sorry, actress-against-sweatpants/comfort: my ass looks AWESOME in my comfortable relaxed fit yoga pants (which are really just sweatpants made out of T-shirt material).

    This is because I have really round buns, and tight jeans flatten away all my curvy goodness while making my muscular legs look like sausages in denim casings. Wow! Unflattering AND uncomfortable? Ummm… no thanks.

    She can enjoy her expensive designer clothes if that’s that makes her feel good, because as you said above, feeling and being sexy is all about confidence. To each his or her own, and all that happy stuff.

    But please don’t assume we’ve “given up” because we wear sweatpants or yoga pants. In fact, I work out far more often when I start my day in the comfortable, active wear-type clothes she’s denigrating, which keeps me in better shape (and in theory, more attractive according to our societal standards). But If I’m rocking uncomfortable, fancy clothes, there will be no exercise.

    P.S. Married 10 years in July, and my husband can’t keep his hands off my yoga pants-clad ass, Eva. Let’s see how long you and Gosling last. I won’t hold my breath.

    *drops mic*

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