This week, the gang was taken for a spin on the runway and things got trashy at their photo shoot. Miss any of the fun? Well, that’s why we’re here!

 

The Children’s Hour: Things kick off with several of the models explaining why this competition is so important to them, and frankly, it’s as disturbing as it is sad. Nina says she dropped out of school, and Jourdan admits she doesn’t have a plan b. Yup, these are the children we were told are the future. Be afraid, be very afraid. After Mike is rude to him, Chris gets his feathers ruffled and declares he is a “grown man” even as he is acting less mature than my 6-year-old niece. By way of explaining, he reveals to first us and then — at Cory’s urging — the housemates that he was abused and disrespected as a child. He talks about the fact that his mom would sometimes throw her cellphone at him. Hold up… Chris is Naomi Campbell’s kid? After Chris opens up, everyone in the house is all warm and fuzzy toward him… except Mike. Our oldest cast member says, “I’m not going to feel bad for you because you can’t go and talk to someone.” Ironically, he suggests Chris grow up.

Spin Cycle: The models find out their next runway show involves walking on two platforms in the shape of giant records that will be spinning. It occurs to me that several of these kids probably don’t know what a “record” is. Marvin Scott Jarrett, the editor in chief of Nylon magazine, says that the winner will get to go on Nylon’s TV show to display their “awesome personality.” I’m flummoxed by both the fact that Nylon has a TV show and that the mag’s top dog has about as much personality as a dead fish. The show begins and, as the producers no-doubt assumed would happen, much fumbling and stumbling about takes place. For the second time this season, I’m reminded of what the show lacks when compared to the early cycles: We never get the sense that the contestants are being taught anything. Instead, they’re simply thrown into bizarre situations and expected to perform. Thus, it’s no surprise whatsoever that Mike’s walk continues to be awful or that Jeremy is accused of going “all Zoolander” on the runway. Why? Because they don’t know any better. Once the untrained seals have performed, the Nylon dude announces with all the enthusiasm of a funeral director that Jourdan won the challenge.

Trailer Trash: This week’s photo shoot theme is “trailer-park chic”, and it is shot by someone named The Cobra Snake. No, really. Jiana sums him up best by voicing my thoughts: “I thought he lived [in the trailer park].” Because it’s not enough for the models to pose in trashy outfits in an interesting setting, they bring in an extra named Sugar Pop Pop who is modeled after Honey Boo Boo. The models who did the best in the runway challenge are allowed to pick their partners for the shoot. Highlights include Jeremy squinting and looking lost, Mike continuing to look like a very pretty piece of wood, Marvin crushing so hard on Jhiana that he can’t be bothered posing, and Cory bringing the butch. Nina fears that Phil — who has definitely gotten into character — will ruin their shoot, but later admits he may have saved her bacon.

You Better Work: At panel, Kelly Cutrone says that Cory looks “very dude” in his shoot. When Rob adds that Cory looks like a man, Tyra gets a bit hot under the collar and points out that just because Cory is on the feminine side, that doesn’t make him less of a man. Despite Mike’s walk having nothing to do with the photo being judged, Kelly brings it up yet again. Jourdan and Chris get rave reviews, while Kanani, Jeremy and Don aren’t quite so lucky. When Tyra starts handing out pics, Jourdan winds up having the photo of the day. Mike and Jeremy are left to duke it out for the bottom spot, and by the non-existent hair on his chest, Jeremy squeaks by. Before sending him to pack his bags, Tyra urges her hand-picked ice cream boy to do his best in the off-screen challenges in an effort to be brought back at a later point in the competition and prove she was right to pluck him from obscurity. Personally, I think he’d best perfect his scooping technique, because he has about as much chance of returning to the competition as I do of being picked for cycle 21 of the show.

Did you agree with the judges that Jourdan had the best pic? Does Mike have a shot at returning to the competition? And at this point, who do you see walking away the winner? Sound off in the comments below!

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