This week on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, we found out that flawsome is awesome, and that Renee’s afraid of more than just clowns. Miss any of the action? Then read on for our flawsome recap!
Sir Gaga: You’ll recall that our last episode ended with a cliffhanger, as Tyra had announced Alexandria would be brought back into the competition… but left us hanging as to which axed guy — Mike, Jeremy or Phil — would join her based solely on their social media scores. Now, I’d have bet a week’s worth of French fries that Tyra’s hand-picked pet, Mike, was going to be named. But it’s Jeremy who wins the chance to continue competing. As Cory points out, “Social media fans loved and adored him… every time the guy took off his shirt, it seemed like everyone went” — and stay with me, because he’s about to venture into model speak — “goo-goo, ga-ga over him.” Rejected Phil is sad, and admits his “words aren’t really working right now,” and honestly, they weren’t really his friend to begin with. But enough sadness! It’s time to deal with the fact that Renee promised not to speak for a week if a guy won best pic, which Chris did! Her response is to say that Chris is “immature and stupid,” so I assume that whole “no talking” thing probably won’t stick.
Crushed Crush: Chris picks Alexandria to go into the Guess closet with him, which rightfully bums out Nina, who has been his only supporter throughout this process. Alexandria reveals that she has a condition that causes her heartbeat to soar and her brain not to get enough oxygen. Girl, why you been sitting on this the whole time? Backstories are crucial in this game! Jeremy’s return means we get to dive back into his messy situation with Jourdan. Need proof? Jourdan uses Jeremy’s return to remind us that she was married as a teenager. That’s right, apropos of nothing, she throws that into the mix! When she implies she’s going to win and he doesn’t stand a chance, Jeremy goes into pretty pouter mode and tells us that while he used to have a crush on her, he now realizes she’s totally not his type. You know, the strong, self-assertive type.
Fake It ’Til You Make It: The week’s first challenge involves the models doing a commercial — against a green screen — for a water called Quaff with a director named Vincent St. George — who is actually Reggie Watts, whom Kelly Cutrone informs us is “one of the best comedians in the world.” The result is pretty hysterical as “Vincent” gives a series of increasingly bizarre instructions to the models, who wind up making out with a stuffed unicorn and rolling around in a kiddie pool. Renee, however, is in trouble right away. Turns out, she’s not just afraid of clowns, but pretty much anything in a suit or, as she puts it, “disguised as something else.” So the big, stuffed camel that is central to this shoot freaks her right out. Kelly tries to be sympathetic, admitting that she wants to be nice, but rightfully adding, “that’s not what anybody wants to deal with on a set.” In the end, Renee manages to get through the shoot, and Cutrone reveals that Watts is “one of the most famous comedians in the world.” Look, I’m not one to question the word of Kelly Cutrone, but if this dude’s so famous, wouldn’t at least one of the models have recognized the barely-disguised dude? Wouldn’t I? I’m not saying Watts isn’t great at what he does, I’m just saying… he’s no Paula Poundstone or Steve Martin. Alexandria and Jourdon wind up Reggie’s top two, with Jourdan coming in second place.
No More Miss Nice Girl: Back at the house, things get tense when Chris cleans the kitchen and then leaves notes for the girls indicating they need to do their own dishes and stop being slobs. A ticked Renee tells Chris that while she may be a slop, he’s nasty in “your bleeping mind, your heart and your soul.” Only she didn’t say bleeping. Things really get nasty, however, when Renee — fed an insult by Jourdan — says that Chris doesn’t know what love is. Coming to Chris’ defense, Jeremy jumps in by telling Jourdan, “How do you know what love is when you got divorced at 19?” Oh, snap! After Jourdan goes on the attack, she tells us that she had “no control over what happened” to her. Which, if true, indicates she might need therapy. Eventually, everybody hugs and makes up and it’s all rumballs and honey again. Oh, except Renee, who tells Cory she doesn’t like Chris as a human being. “People can make me the villain,” she adds, and I have to admit, she’s kinda being a whiny brat, which is surprising given that for the first half of the season, I thought she was the nicest girl in the house. Just goes to show ya: First impressions can be misleading!
Lesson Learned: The next morning, the models are taken to a high school, which doesn’t particularly thrill Cory. “Me and high school don’t get along too well,” he admits. Right away, I learn a new word: Flawsome. I suspect Jeremy sucks at math, but he does explain this equation: You + your flaws + awesome = flawsome. Albino supermodel — no, seriously — Shawn Ross takes part in a teachable posing moment, as does Zendaya. If you have kids — or, as it turns out, are Marvin — you know that she is a big star on the Disney channel. The “teaching moment” literally lasts less than a minute, and then the crew is shuffled off to hair and makeup so they can be given flaws. Cory works a widow’s peak, and Chris winds up gap-toothed. Renee is given a “five head,” while, weirdly, Don’s “flaw” is his long legs. Nina is basically working with the flaw God gave her: those big, gorgeous eyes. It seems fair to say this should be an easy win for her…
Model Down! Model Down!: At judging, Jeremy glows when Tyra talks about the prize package… apparently still laboring under the delusion that he has a chance of winning of it. Ain’t that precious? Jourdan — whose flaw was a unibrow — is taken to task for looking bored. Heck, they even say her legs look “flaccid.” Tyra hands out 10’s like they are growing on trees, even handing one to Don and his long legs. Alexandria, however, ain’t getting a 10 from Tyra. in fact, the boss lady says that while Zendaya looks awesome in the pic, Alex looks like — get ready for some fightin’ words — the Disney chick’s mama! Alexandria admits she doesn’t feel well, and gets a lesson on “how not to faint” from Tyra after admitting she feels dizzy. But as judging wraps up, Alexandria exits and winds up laying on a couch off camera as Nina wins top photo. Because next week, the remaining models will be heading to Bali, Tyra — having seen one too many episodes of THE BACHELORETTE — hands out flowers to those still in the running. Of course, she doesn’t bother to ask, “Will you accept my flower?” because, well, who would say no? Don is named runner up. Chris, Alexandria and Marvin wind up in the bottom three. Once Marvin is handed a flower, Chris has to stand before Tyra alone since Alexandria is ailing. Those cray-cray eyes the judges are always calling him out for are practically bugging out, as, from the sidelines, are those of his on-again, off-again gal pal Nina. Chris winds up getting the last flower and, by extension, his ticket to Bali. The show’s executive producer, Ken Mok — not, oddly, Tyra — goes backstage to tell Alex that she’s been booted yet again. Apparently not understanding that her social media scores decided her fate, Alex says from her sickbed — er, couch — “the fans loved me and brought me back.” Having no familiarity at all with the legions of non-famous models who came before her, she vows to do great things in the future… and then goes back to napping.
So did you recognize the world famous comedian? With the others jetting off to Bali, was the right model grounded? Hit the comments and let us know your thoughts!