By Nanea Hoffman
This insanely easy and delicious appetizer will make you the envy of all your friends. Like, don’t be surprised if people 1) weep with gratitude, 2) offer to name pets and or offspring after you, and 3) express a strong desire to make out with you, which they will be unable to fulfill because they will be too busy noshing away.
If you’re like me, you might be the kind of person who responds to compliments about your outfit with loud disclaimers of, “OH, IT WAS NOTHING. I GOT IT OFF THE CLEARANCE RACK AT ROSS FOR 49 CENTS! THIS OLD, THING? PSHAW!” In which case, you’ll immediately tell everyone that this dish is so easy your cat could make it, if your cat had thumbs and a penchant for savory hot apps. Or you could just smile mysteriously and be cool. I hear some people can do that.
- Carmelized onions
- Balsamic vinegar
- Applewood smoked bacon (or regular bacon, if you’re not picky)
- Blue cheese
- Kettle chips
Preheat oven to 350F while you prepare the onions. It’s very important that the onions be carmelized. Not only are they prettier this way, but you get all that great flavor. This will be the most time-consuming portion of the process, but it’s super easy and you can watch a show or read a book or something while you do it. It will take about 30 to 45 minutes. In a frying pan, heat two tablespoons of olive oil on high until you see little bubbles. Adjust the amount of olive oil accordingly, depending on the size of your pan. You want the bottom of the pan to be well coated. (I like to do way more onions than I need, because carmelized onions are always good to have around.) Chop your onions and toss them in. Stir them until they glisten. Turn the heat down to medium low and let the onions cook for about 10 minutes. At this point, sprinkle the onions with some salt and sugar to speed up the carmelizing. Continue cooking the onions, stirring occasionally, until they look like this:
Scrape out the onions into a bowl and fry your bacon. When that’s done, chop the bacon into bits. This is a good time to work out any aggressions you may have.
Spread your kettle chips in a baking pan and sprinkle them with balsamic vinegar. Add onions, bacon bits, and blue cheese. Put the chips in the oven for 3 to 4 minutes, just long enough for the cheese to melt. If the smell is making you drool a little bit, congratulations: your salivary glands work! If not, see someone about your olfactory malfunction because your nose is dead. These oven-warmed chips smell like hopes and dreams.
Serve warm and enjoy with cold beverage of your choice. They go spectacularly well with beer, but it’s up to you. Dig in!