Let’s be honest: it’s hard to predict your own mood. Life has more corkscrews than a wine enthusiast who just so happens to build thrilling roller coasters in her spare time. We may wake up plucky and eager to start the day, but by the time night rolls around we could be ready to tell the world to “go corkscrew itself,” if you know what I mean.
To provide some stability on life’s emotional roller coaster, we have breakfast cereal. Ever since we were kids, cereal has provided sweet, innocent bliss, and with a metric crap-ton (that’s a real measurement, right?) of varieties available, you better believe there’s a perfect cereal to fit every mood. Let’s take a look at some of the best.
Cereal: Honey Bunches of Oats
If everything’s going your way, keep the good times rolling with more small joys! Honey Bunches of Oats mixes crispy flakes with succulent oat clusters bound together by a perfectly rich glaze. And every so often, your spoon will unearth one of those rare mammoth-sized clusters, jam-packed with honey. As you crunch into it, you’ll feel like a successful cereal archaeologist who just discovered Clusterannosaurus Rex.
A pleasant surprise like that would just be the cherry on top of a day that already feels like a sundae.
Cereal: Cookie Crisp
Whether it’s raining outside or just inside your head, we all have blue days. The solution? Comfort food!
And why settle for a dinky chocolate chip cookie when you can have a whole heaping bowl of ‘em? Every single piece of Cookie Crisp crumbles into an addictive, buttery mix of creamy chocolate and brown sugar, all over a chewy base. As they soak up the milk you pour on them, you’ll swear that a sweet old grandma lives at the bottom of every box, faithfully baking each cookie in the hopes that your day will be made better.
So chin up: you don’t want to disappoint your miniature cereal box grandma, do you?
Cereal: Minions Banana Berry Cereal
When we’re mad, we just want to smash something. Preferably something annoying that totally deserves it. And whether or not you actually like those little yellow Minions, you have to admit that seeing their grinning faces everywhere is a little grating. In fact, I bet they even sell Minion cheese graters now. So what better way to let off a little steam than by chewing a whole bowl of Minion cereal faces into nothingness?
Besides, it’s hard to stay mad when you’re overwhelmed by the delicious, fruit smoothie-flavored goodness of this strawberry and banana cereal.
Cereal: Waffle Crisp
Big presentation at the office got you jittery? You need to take a trip back to a simpler time. And tasting the nostalgic maple goodness of Waffle Crisp is like riding a calming time machine back to a carefree Saturday morning of your childhood. Just picture it: you’re watching cartoons as you munch the crunchy, syrupy pieces. You’re gonna play Frisbee and Pokémon with your best friends later. All you’re worried about is whether Mom will let you have dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner.
You certainly aren’t worried about your stupid mid-quarter evaluation by Norm from HR.
Cereal: Special K Chocolatey Strawberry
What’s the only thing sexier than feeding your significant other a chocolate-covered strawberry? Lovingly lowering a spoonful of Special K into their waiting mouth, of course! With strawberry pieces that impart a tempting tartnesss, chocolate nibs that have a decadent dark cocoa sweetness, and flakes that crunch louder than a roaring volcano, this sophisticated cereal is sure to turn your night into a roaring volcano, too.
A roaring volcano…of love. (And whole grain wheat, of course)
Cereal: Frosted Mini-Wheats
Everyone occasionally has one of those strange, philosophical days where we fall into an existential funk and start questioning the cosmic pointlessness of everything. But instead of diving into a depressing Nietszche book, dive into a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats. The hearty, fibrous layers make good brain food; the intense chewiness stimulates mind activity. And since every piece looks like a little bale of hay, you can reconnect with the mysticism of nature by channeling your inner dairy cow.
Wow, I felt enlightened just writing that. If Buddha ate cereal, he’d choose this one.
Cereal: Cinnamon Life
After a long day, sometimes we just want to go to bed. Sorry, evening news. Sorry, pile of unfolded laundry. Sorry, 44 Facebook notifications from your aunt who insists on sharing inspirational quotes in all caps. It’s time for sleep! And since everybody knows a glass of warm milk is key to a good night’s rest, why not heat up some 2% and pour it over a bowl of Cinnamon Life? The creamy caress of the milk, along with the subtle, earthy crunch and cozy, sweet cinnamon bursts of these squares will warm your tummy and send you to snooze-town faster than Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception.
And hey, if Leo just so happens to show up in your dreams, too, then it’s a double win!
Cerealously was born from cereal connoisseur Dan G.’s lifelong love for nostalgia, cartoons, colorful mascots, and…well…cereal. With Cerealously, Dan hopes to create an online hub for cereal and breakfast junkies populated with groan-worthy puns, long parenthetical similes, obscure pop culture references, and even more obscure references to old snack foods.