Everyone enjoys pizza in their own special way, and in this family, that means cheesy, pizza dumpling goodness.
How to enjoy cheese pizza like Jerusha:
Step One: Ask your partner to go to the store for pizza dough and cheese.
Step Two: Kiss aforementioned partner enthusiastically when he shows up with Goat Cheese, Havarti, Fresh Mozzarella, Gouda, Parmesan, good Cheddar, and some kind of delicious garlic cheese that wards off any vampire within a 10-mile radius.
Step Three: Hold your three-year-old daughter and reclaim the bag of shredded cheese she is munching on while hiding under the table. She is a girl after my own heart.
Step Four: Hand the tiny girl a roll of pizza dough in an effort to distract her while your partner in crime (and life) chops the mountain of cheese he has brought home. Tiny girl will commence making dough men with three arms and make them dance across the table.
Step Five: Look for a pizza pan in the drawer under the oven. When you are unable to find the pan, snag a round cake pan and use that instead. Dodge looks of disdain from Nixon because you are doing something weird again. Hand the round pan to your daughter.
Step Six: Help tiny girl stretch the pizza dough to cover the bottom of the cake/pizza baking implement. Tell her that she can’t use the dough man on her pizza. Fail to give her a decent reason why. Proceed in letting her smash the dough man into the bottom of the pan while making “pew pew pew” noises.
Step Seven: You are feeling adventurous. You hand your preschooler a jar of sauce and a spoon and tell her to add what she wants. Return the bag of shredded cheese back to her small hands and allow her to put an impressive amount onto her pizza.
Step Eight: Snag the other round cake pan and pile a large portion of the $87 worth of cheese onto the second pizza.
Step Nine: Place both pizzas into the oven for 15 minutes at 425 degrees.
Step Ten: Realize roughly four minutes later that you forgot to set a timer. Proceed in approximating how much time has lapsed, saying a small prayer, and setting the timer on the microwave.
Step Eleven: Survey the ridiculously large amount of supplies that are still remaining. Remember that you only have two cake pans, and start filling the cups on a muffin tin with layers of sauce and cheese. Pull the edges of the pizza dough together and twist closed.
Step Twelve: Realize about halfway through filling the muffin cups that you forgot to grease either of the initial pizzas (that are currently baking) or the muffin cups that you have already filled. Pull out the dough from the first cups and butter the entire pan. Mmmm butter.
Step Thirteen: Bake the concoction full of melty cheesy pizza goodness at 425 degrees for 12-15 minutes. Bask in your culinary genius while the pizza (dumplings?) cool enough to eat.
Step Fourteen: Sit down in front of the T.V. and watch Star Trek Next Generation with a plateful of cheese pizza dumplings without worrying about wearing pizza all over your favorite sweatshirt.
You made it! Who made a pizza thing-like product? You Did! High five yourself for being such a badass. It was delicious and the fire alarm didn’t go off. LEVEL UP!
What is your favorite way to make pizza?
Join the conversation by answering in the comment section below.
Jerusha Gray is insatiably curious. This curiosity, coupled with a brain that never shuts up, drives her to paint and draw, read prodigiously, make music, write, and sing in grocery stores.
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