Welcome back, people! Get set to enjoy the quickest recap ever as we discuss the most boring episode of Falling Skies yet! Seriously, you phoned this one in, writers.

Wee Matt’s First Crush and the One True President

The Bezerkers are on the front line, protecting the 2nd Mass and the Volm Mystery Machine from the pending Ashveni attack. As usual. The best part? TECTOR! I like that dude. Which means they are probably going to off him soon. (Don’t do me like that, show!)

Wee Matt delivers breakfast to the troops, and we sort-of learn that he has a crush on Crazy Lee, the token female berserker that we almost never think about. (Wouldn’t it make sense for him to have a crush on someone we actually care about? Like Lourdes? Lourdes is adorable and actually knows something about medicine, unlike Matt’s new “mom.”) Anyway, the minute we see that Matt loves her (or at the very least wants to see her naked) we know Lee’s a red-shirt. She goes to the “bushes” to pee, I assume (note that the bushes are more street rubble) wearing a bullet-proof vest made of old truck tires that is actually surprisingly effective. Suddenly, our reluctant heroes are set upon by what turns out to be…DUM DUM DUM! Humans! Jesus, man! It’s tough enough out there to protect yourself from Skitters and Mechs and Mega-Mechs, now we’ve got humans trying to kill us, too? Damn. Anyway, though Lee’s vest protects her against the bullets, it doesn’t protect her from falling on a huge piece of rebar that goes right through her head. Painlessly, somehow. Though she doesn’t die right away, she is blinded and is a total goner. Especially if it’s Anne’s duty to save her.

Wee Matt and Pope are devastated, as are Tector and the rest of the Bezerkers. There is much wringing of hands and talk of letting go and how important everyone is. Pope is pissed off that Tom keeps putting the Bezerkers in harm’s way without even knowing what the Mystery Machine does. Fair.

Wee Matt sits by Lee’s side, and Pope is there when she dies, and POPE CRIES! It is actually pretty moving, seeing how much Pope loves his crazy ass band of misfits. Much like Farmer Ted, Pope is the King of the Dipshits, and he serves them well. Sad Pope is sad. Anthony, where are you? Pope needs distraction from his misery.

And thus ends the story of poor, dead….what was her name again? Oh, right. Crazy Lee. RIP, dude.

Oh, and one of the attacking humans, a badass chick who looks like she belongs in a Terminator flick, tells Tom and the Generals Two that there is, in fact another POTUS. Apparently, the real United States President, Benjamin Hathaway (meaning the guy who was elected long before terms like Skitter became a thing) ain’t nearly as dead as Lee is. This could get interesting.

Jeeeeeeaaaannnneee Weaver and the “Liberty Tree”

Jeanne is supervising the construction of a sculpture in the street that purports to look like a tree. I think it is made of Mech Parts, which is kind of funny, if you think about it. The sculpture is the “Liberty Tree” and will serve as a memorial to those who have been lost. Apparently, you can hang things off of it, like glasses and scarves and metal leaves with people’s names on them. Dan is proud of her as only a father can be when looking at their kid’s art project. Me? I’m just glad that someone is doing something with the massively overwhelming pieces of rubble still in the streets. Perhaps next time, they could construct a Les Miserables style barricade or something.

At the presentation of the tree, of course, President Tom makes a wonderful, stirring speech. He talks about losing his friend Crazy Lee. Wait. What? Okay, I guess. There is a children’s choir that sings, and everyone hangs their mementoes, and just when we are about to die of emotional overload, the Ashveni swoop in and finally attack. Whew!

Breaking Dawn Baby, Part Two the Sequel

Baby Alexis is still super creepy—talking and standing and rejecting Anne’s medical treatments (smart!)—but only when Anne is alone with her. Lourdes tries to be understanding when RoboDoc confesses that she doesn’t believe Lexie is human, but in the end she just decides Anne is all kinds of postpartum crazy and rats her out to Tom. I find fault in Lourdes’ logic since Anne’s circuitry would never allow for such a human emotion as insanity. Anne manages to muster up tears and everything, but in the end no one believes her anyway.

Surprisingly, we know that Anne is at last is the voice of reason, because when the Ashveni attacks the baby looks pleased. Sanguine, even. Look it up. Also? Shudder.

Hal and Not-Karen and Karen (not)

Hal wants to do….something…about his interactions with Karen. I’m not quite sure if it involves confessing to his Dad about his midnight ramblings with one half of the Doublemint Twins, or if he just intends to ditch the 2nd Mass altogether to “protect them.” Not Karen…I mean Maggie, his true love…objects to his plan, whatever it is. She says that he can’t be the mole, and points out that he is talking treason here, and people will hang him whether he did anything wrong or not (especially now, since they have that awesome new tree.) Hal won’t be denied, and at the Liberty Tree dedication (sounds like the opening of a strip mall, doesn’t it?) he agonizingly approaches his dad to confess? I guess? Luckily the attacking Ashveni make that impossible, so for now, anyway, Not Karen keeps her man.

Oh, and last but not least? Apparently, Tom just gets to pick his new Vice President without the troublesome bother of an election. He chooses Marina Perlata, and I rejoice because it keeps Gloria Reuben on the show a little longer. If Tom doesn’t at least attempt to hit that, he is crazier than he thinks Anne is.

So that’s it for this week, kids! See you next time, when something hopefully happens. But it better not be to Tector.

Barbara Sirois Doyle is a writer for Sweatpants & Coffee. She is a fan of Falling Skies and snarks because she loves.

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