Nick is in his trailer, reading his Grimm-y books, stressing about the whole key mystery and what was taken from Constantinople in the 13th century by his Grimm ancestors. He’s pretty dreamy when he’s being stressed out.

A dune buggy type vehicle comes across some mutilated cows in a field. As the driver is reaching for a weapon, he’s attacked and killed by a glowing blue man. I thought aliens were green, so I’m already confused. A second farmer drives up and witnesses the blue man running away.

The always adorable Monroe and Rosalie are having Date Night at Monroe’s house, talking about his parents. Monroe is wearing a bow tie! Bow ties are cool. They share a kiss, and Nick shows up, grabs a beer out of the fridge and stands around awkwardly until he notices he’s being a third wheel.

Nick goes upstairs alone to stress about the key and to be morose about Juliette. He’s pretty dreamy when he’s being morose. Monroe reschedules the date and joins Nick, where Nick finally tells him about the key. I don’t understand why this hasn’t already happened. As always, Monroe knows exactly what’s going on. The key was designed in the Middle Ages, and the map that the keys make is of the Black Forest in Bavaria. See? One conversation with Monroe, and the mystery is partially solved.

Juliette is at the house she used to share with Nick, looking at a picture of them together and having more memories. I stifle a yawn, because oh my God, can we please end this storyline already? I’m not a fan of Juliette and I’m not a fan of Juliette and Nick together. She doesn’t deserve his dreamy, Grimm-y badassness.

Glowing blue alien guy returns to the barn where his heavily pregnant ladyfriend wants to know where the hell he’s been with her food. Pregnancy cravings are not to be trifled with! He’s actually a Wesen, not an alien, and he hands her the bag of cow entrails, which she devours. Since she’s a pregnant lady consuming raw or undercooked meat, I’m going to go out on a limb and say she’s Wesen, too.

Some weird guy is in his van listening to a police scanner. He takes off for Portland when he hears the report of the cattle mutilations. By the looks of his van and trailer, he likes aliens.

Nick goes to see the also-dreamy Captain Renard, where they discuss the key situation. Renard tells Nick there are seven keys altogether. The royal family has four, Nick has one, and the other two are unaccounted for. Renard claims to not know what was stolen and hidden, but the speculation is that it could be anything from the secrets of alchemy, everlasting life, or the nails that held Christ to the cross. He mentions that his family is not happy he was ever born. (Probably because he’s not a full-blooded royal. And also because he’s part Hexenbeast.)

Wu interrupts their conversation to tell them about the cattle mutilation/murdered guy case with a kick ass X-Files reference.

They head out to the crime scene to assist the county authorities, and for the first time this episode, I realize Nick’s partner Hank is still on vacation in Hawaii. The farmer tells them how he saw the alien being running away from the crime scene, and the look on Wu’s face is priceless. Nick and Wu follow the escape route, and find glowing blue skin stuck to the barbed-wire fencing.

Weird Van Guy shows up as Nick and Wu are leaving. He questions them about what they’ve found, and tells them he’s only trying to help. His business card describes him as an “Alien Hunter/UFOlogist”. He asks if the victim was probed, and the look on Wu’s face is priceless.

The Wesen causes some nice lady singing to country music to crash her Bronco, so he can have the vehicle to get his wife to a safe place to deliver. The Wesen and his wife grab another bag of entrails and leave in the Bronco. Meanwhile, Weird Van Guy is investigating, which apparently involves licking the alien blood he found on the ground. Seriously, this guy is bad news.

Nick and the Medical Examiner ooh and aah over the glowing blue skin sample he found. She compares it to the enzyme found in fireflies. Wu calls Nick to tell him that the Bronco driving lady is reporting that she was kidnapped by aliens.

The Wesen (ok, seriously, this is the first time we’ve gotten more than halfway through an episode without the creature being identified) and his now-in-labor wife are in the Bronco. She seems perturbed about all the bouncy roads while her uterus is contracting. Been there, honey, and it’s no fun. They stop at a creepy cabin, and seem unconcerned that there are probably zombies or chainsaw murderers inside.

Juliette comes to see Monroe and I’m unable to stifle my yawn. Or my eye-roll. Juliette whines to Monroe about how she’s been awful to Nick (you think?!) and she doesn’t think he can forgive her. Then she asks Monroe what a Grimm is. And for no apparent reason, he doesn’t really answer the question. Juliette has a flashback to the night Nick tried to tell her the truth about himself and she acted like a giant bitch.

Wu tells Nick he’s found a pattern of cattle mutilations across the southwest toward Oregon over the last few weeks. Meanwhile, Weird Van Guy has found the barn where the Wesen and his wife were hiding. He takes a phone call from someone wanting to know if he’s found them yet because there are four bidders. Turns out Weird Van Guy is Wesen, too.

Nick is in his trailer, (finally!) trying to figure out what kind of Wesen the “alien” is. Wu calls to tell him it was only ovaries that were taken from the cattle. Nick goes to see Rosalie to find out what she knows . Rosalie says it sounds like the “alien” is a Gluchenvolk, which are very rare and thought to be extinct. When Nick mentions the cow ovaries, she realizes there is more than one, and the female is pregnant. Monroe is bummed about another date cancellation, but totally stoked when he hears the case involves Gluchenvolk.

Weird Van Guy sees the Gluchenvolk running through a field with another bag of cow ovaries, grabs a big scary gun, and follows him. Nick, Monroe, and Rosalie come upon Weird Van Guy’s trailer, and immediately realize it’s for skinning Gluchenvolk. Creepy. No wonder they’re almost extinct. Apparently the gun he uses to kill Gluchenvolk keeps them in “full vogel” after they’ve been killed, so he can harvest the skin.

Monroe, Roaslie, and Nick find the cabin and realize the female Gluchenvolk is in labor. In true TV labor fashion, her water breaks, she pushes like twice, and out comes a baby. Her husband arrives in time to see the baby born. The tenderness of the moment is ruined by Weird Van Guy and his gun. He’s not impressed by Monroe or Rosalie vogeling out, but does seem nervous about a Grimm. Especially after Nick shoots him with his own gun.

The Gluchenvolk family leaves, mentioning there are a few of them left in Alaska. The episode ends with Weird Van Guys’s Wesen body being found in the Bronco outside the cabin by a SWAT team.

 

Cathy Elmore is a writer for Sweatpants & Coffee. She also writes for Gridiron Girl when she isn’t chasing after her baby girl.

 

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