I think “It’s Alright, but There’s A Lot of Wrong” would be more fitting.

I should have taken it as a bad omen when the episode opened with Luke Wheeler. Immediately following, there’s some saliva swapping between him and Rayna, and I get to enjoy the greatness that is Liam. Not.

Chrissa sarcastic Liam face
[My sarcastically enjoying Liam face]

Listen, I don’t care about Luke putting Rayna’s face on a car. That took money, something he’s not in short supply of. It doesn’t make him awesome or creative. When you’re rich and famous, I’m sure you have to up your game a bit. You likely have a dude whose job it is to think up “thoughtful shit you do for chicks you bang.” I still think it illustrates what a complete douche he is, and I’m sticking by it. I promise you guys that he’s a total dickhead, you’ll just have to take my word for it. I don’t know how I know, but I can tell when it’s raining outside because my boobs are wet when I’m standing under a thundercloud. Thoughtfulness is usually a gesture of kindness, I know, but I don’t care. He’s still gross.

As for Liam stealing Scarlett’s journal and being all Meanie McMeanertons and then offering her some kind of wakey-wakey pill? This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.  And by beautiful relationship I mean one of the “romp-in-the-sack and Scarlett’s upcoming stay at Promises” nature. There are no illusions here. The only surprise for me will be if Scar and Liam DON’T end up in compromising positions together which evolve into some lovey love story. He’ll help get her off of the drugs he got her on in the first place, this will inevitably cause them to grow closer, she’ll be his muse, and he will be the first person she’s ever really opened up to…bet. I feel like I should have made the title of this post:

::::::SPOILER ALERT::::::

I mean, it’s clear the writers want this guy to be someone on this show, because he’s still here. My chagrin is all chagrinny.

I don’t want to talk about Lamar. You wanna know why? Because I don’t care. I don’t care about his illegal whateveritwashesdoneorwilldo.

LaLaLaLaLaaaa….this is me, and this is how many fucks I give about Lamar ß0à. In case you can’t see, that’s zero. Zero fucks I give <insert the Count’s chuckle, “Ah, Ah, Ahhhh”>.

Actually, let’s just be super honest with one another right now. I might just fast forward past anything that isn’t Juliette and Avery getting down to the business. Isn’t that what we’re all waiting for? I feel like this entire episode is all, “At what point are Avery and Juliette going to have the secssss?”

I’m pretty happy to see Brad Paisley, but am also wondering what the connection is with having him show up right after his wife’s character, Peggy, was gunned down (for those not in-the-know, Brad is married to Kimberly Williams Paisley). I’m sure it’s just a neat coincidence, but I like neat coincidences.

Brad and Kim Paisley
[image via InStyle circa 2004]

A few observations about Juliette’s Grand Ole Opry Performance:

–        The show’s stylist needs to apologize for putting Juliette in those leather pants.

–        Also, that’s right – fuck you, Jeff!

–        They could have picked a little more “angsty” song for her.

–        Who doesn’t wish Maddie was their little sister?

–        I love Glenn, and I love seeing him happy.

–        Could the audience have acted out any kind of facial expression whatsoever? Disgust, anger, happiness, excitement, strain from a bowel movement?

The best part about that entire deal, and maybe, in fact, the entire show (aside from her and Avery possibly having sex), was this:

Hayden Panettiere

[image via EWTVRecaps]

Genius. Pure genius. Bravo! She’s 100% correct. Hasta la Vista, Jeff.

I’m sure that I should say something about Scarlett’s forced admission of her issues with her mother, but, I don’t care about that either. I feel terrible about it, trust me. The old guy that Rayna has wasted the entire episode talking to that ends up dissing Juliette? Yeah, I don’t care about him either. My only thoughts on that was that Rayna knew it was bogus. I expect more for her. She gets a C minus for being the martyr we’ve grown to love and look up to.

Gunner/Layla/Gay Roommate in the closet talking about absolutely nothing? You guessed it…I don’t care about them this week either.

I’m trying to care about Teddy talking about Lamar, but I don’t.

Firstly, because Lamar, but also, JAVERY ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX. I think. They better.

Why aren’t they having sex yet?

Rayna sings a boring song and I can’t tell if I don’t like it because it’s so boring or because she’s singing while Juliette and Avery could be having sex.

Scarlett finally makes a pretty song…Deacon and Avery talk about something I really don’t care about and I can’t believe I’m not fast forwarding right now. Four minutes left and Juliette is at Avery’s door with a lasagna. Here we GO! She tells him she needs him…she smiles and gives him the “Let’s do this!” face…he’s picking her up…they’re kissing…and fade to black.


After months of build up you’re fading to black on us?!

Boo You Whore
[image via WeheartIt]



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