Whether it is accidentally tucking a part of your shirt into your underwear, pulling repeatedly on a door that says, “push,” or tripping over your own feet, we’ve all had awkward moments. I, for one, seem to live in an awkward moment; I’m like a living, breathing mix of Tina Belcher and David Tennant making this specific face:
Honestly, my feet trip over thin air and my mouth trips over everyday words with astonishing regularity. I have hit myself in the face with so many doors. Even my actual injuries are awkward: I broke my toe by tripping over the dog when rushing to the bathroom to throw up, I shattered my elbow by falling off the arm of the couch onto high pile shag carpet, and I recently ended up with a fissure in my knee cartilage from playing wiffle ball—you know, that game you played in elementary school P.E. class with the plastic stick bat and the hollow plastic balls? Yeah. That. I’m thirty-seven years old and I broke myself playing wiffle ball.
It seems natural, then, that I put together a little something to celebrate National Awkward Moment Day. So, what follows is a little comedic round up of some of my awkward moment greatest hits. And some adorable, awkward gifs and videos. Here we go!
In 1995, my dad drove down to Florida to pick my baby sister and me up for a few-week summer stay and his fiancée rode down with him. We had not met her before and I’m sure we were all kind of nervous about it. The day they arrived, I was trying so hard to impress this new person. I think I was going to my room to get something I wanted to show her and I was walking backward down the hallway, finishing up whatever what-I-thought-was-charming-and-delightful thing I was saying…and tripped over the box fan. I was twelve at the time and my awkwardly gangly limbs just flailed about everywhere as the fan and I clattered loudly to the ground in front of everyone. …I refused to leave my room for the longest time after that, I was so embarrassed.
Junior year of high school, I would have lunch with my boyfriend, and several of our friends, in a little courtyard just outside the gym. On our one year anniversary, I met my boyfriend for lunch looking super cute and with some gifts in tow. It was going so well and my boyfriend appreciated his gifts; it was shaping up to be a wonderful day. …until a bird shat all over me. In my long, wavy hair, on my dry clean only sweater, on my favorite khakis that made my butt look super cute. And my boyfriend? He laughed hysterically. I went on to be shat on by three more birds to date, so you know… I’m not the biggest fan of birds, save for corvids. And emu. And flamingos. Okay, I’m not a fan of birds that poop on me. And I think that is fair.
I was ten years old when my middle sister passed. I didn’t really know how to handle the overwhelming feelings I was experiencing, so I just stuffed my feelings way, way down and tried to be there for everyone else. One evening during visitation before my sister’s funeral, I was greeting and talking to people, among whom were several of mine and my sister’s teachers. As I was talking to my former teacher from second grade, trying to reassure her that I was fine (I wasn’t), a fart just snuck up on me and *ppppbbbttthhhbbb*. There I was, in one of my nice church dresses, in a funeral home, during visitation for my sister, just cutting the cheese and sounding like a mini-Evinrude. I was mortified. Somehow, I thought I could distract from my butt trumpet by …showing off that I could do the splits?! I…I don’t even know.
My embarrassment at that moment often keeps me up at night because…I mean, come on! It’s a perfect storm of awfulness.
And for my final trick:
I have participated in exactly one spelling bee ever. It was the first year of middle school and I was so excited. Just a few months prior, I’d won second place in a school-wide geography bee, bested only by a kid two years ahead of me. So, of course, I was sure I would make a decent showing in the spelling bee. Yeah, no. I was eliminated in the very. first. round. And not because it was a super difficult word—it wasn’t—nor because I was an especially terrible speller. In fact, I actually spelled the word I heard correctly, it’s just that I misheard the word entirely. I was challenged to spell the word “merit” on school-wide television and I definitely spelled “narrate.”
I still blush a little every time I have to write either of those words.
What are some of your awkward moment greatest hits? Tell us in the comments or @ us on Twitter and use the hashtag #AwkwardMomentsDay