In which our recappers try to cope with the aftermath. Spoilers and feels ahead.

Grey’s Anatomy, Season 11, Episode 22 – “She’s Leaving Home”

What we loved happened:


Shandle: Honestly I started this episode with a huge chip on my shoulder, I expected to hate everything about it, but as it went on and I saw the impact Derek had on everyone separately, I found things I liked.

Kathy: I had two main take aways from this episode. One – Mer isn’t the glue. I always thought she was the glue, but she isn’t anymore. They are all the glue to her. Two – she left because she couldn’t handle their grief. She couldn’t have walked around pregnant and dealing with their feelings.


Shandle: Oh I love that. She isn’t the glue. Perfect analogy! I totally get why she left, too. I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with it, either. My highlights started with Arizona yelling at Dr. Impatient Bitch. I may have screamed at the TV and fist pumped.

Kathy: I loved and hated that. I think just because I still kind of hate Arizona.

Shandle: I get you, I’m not her biggest fan in general, but in that moment I was like, YES! I really loved watching Ben and Bailey’s progression this episode, especially that last scene on Valentine’s Day. When he said he promised to die first, it totally got to me. I have those “You have to die first!” Arguments with my husband all the time.

Kathy: Their entire exchange felt so real and true. It’s not a short conversation in passing. It is a long, continuous conversation.


Shandle: Owen’s whole revelation about what life is was so good. I loved how he literally sat down. Like, we got to see him have this huge a-ha moment.

Kathy: Yes. I was like, um, buddy, take your own advice. DUH.  I hope this means they are a thing again. She needs him, and he needs her. Her entire arc this episode was painful to watch. Her inappropriate humor got me the most.


Shandle: Me, too. It was too much.
Shandle: One of the few happy moments? Catherine Avery proposing to Richard. That was sweet. It was a nice happy moment in very emotional episode.

Kathy: Yes, but seriously? Why were Avery and Kepner not present for that? That felt strange to me. And can we talk about them real quick? What the hell was that entire story line?

Shandle: Yeah, I would have thought they would have showed them in the crowd, too. And I have NO idea, suddenly civilian doctors can be put into war zones? I’m glad April was able to…move on? I guess? But it felt really out of place for me.

Shandle: I almost threw up when that nurse came in and told Meredith her “husband” was there, but then it was Alex and it was perfect. I loved the whole continuation of the flashbacks with her and Derek and the parallel between her life and her mother’s. And when she came back to work, putting on that ferry boat scrub cap? I sobbed.

Kathy: Alex, you know what this means? He is officially her person now. And the scrub cap? Yeah, that was it for me. I couldn’t hold it together after that.

Shandle: He was totally being her person with the repeated phone calls. I was holding my breath waiting for her to say “It’s a beautiful day to save lives” after she put it on.

Kathy: I wrote in my notes, “If she says the line, I’m going to lose my shit.” I also thought for sure she was going to take his job.


What could’ve been better:

Shandle: I’m angry they didn’t give us a full funeral scene. It felt like a cop out. I wanted to see them all say good bye. And I wanted cameos. Cristina? Addison?

Kathy: I think that’s why we didn’t get one. And that Christina look alike? Yeah, that was fucking shitty.

Shandle: Those burned women. I was livid when her husband left her, saying, “That’s not what he signed up for.” Um, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, ASSHOLE! And then J.J had to go and die? Ugh.

Kathy: Ok, so I have been binging old Grey’s on Netflix and David (my husband) has been watching occasionally. Last night he says, “Oh, I get how this show works. If anyone is happy for longer than five minutes, someone has to die.” — YEP

Shandle: EXACTLY.

Oh shit, Shonda! Moment:


Kathy: Hmmm, yeah – that was too much for me. He died. We are still dealing with that, and now a baby? Seriously? Any other show, I would have been all happy and hopeful, but for Mer? It’s just too dang much.

Shandle: Yeah, I wasn’t a fan personally. I love that she named her Ellis. Seems like she’s finally let go of her Mommy issues, but still, it’s like a slap in the face.

Kathy: Actually that pissed me off the most. I thought for sure it would be Lexi.

What we’re looking forward to:

Shandle & Kathy: Meredith feels how we do.

Best Lines:

“You want to be kept alive forever… all because you can’t get together and let Jesus take the wheel.”
“If I am lying in a hospital bed in such bad shape that it has reached that point that some doctor is talking to you about extraordinary measures, I am not gonna let Jesus take the wheel. You know when Jesus should’ve taken the wheel? When he should have been flipping his turn signals and shifting gears? When whatever bad thing that happened to make me suffer a traumatic brain injury was happening. But instead Jesus was clearly out joyriding with someone else, because there I am, gorked in a bed. So, no, I’m going to let Jesus take the wheel. I’m not going to let Jesus anywhere near my damn car. I’m driving. Science is driving.” – Bailey and Ben

“Really? You think that we need t-to just get off our asses? We should do you that solid because the loss of our colleague and friend is all about your needs, your schedule? You think that we should be sensitive to that? How about you take a minute to think about the person, the talent, the life that we lost?! How about you think before you start complaining that Derek Shepherd’s death has been inconvenient for you?!” – Arizona

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to roast a turk…” – Maggie
“No, ’cause I never had a mother, and I didn’t have an oven in my car.” – Jo
“Point taken. – Maggie
“Hey, it was a good effort, but the only thing that bird is stuffed with is food poisoning.” – Alex

“I will be locked up like some nun, withering and wasting away, lonely and alone all because you’re mad at Jesus, so I don’t get to have Idris. You’re taking away my Idris chance.”
“Idris Elba!”
“He could come to Seattle, witness an accident, save a child’s life, carry that child in his arms, bare-chested, into my trauma room. You don’t know.”
“So, you’re gonna pull the plug on me so you can have your way with Idris Elba?”
“It’s Idris Elba!” – Bailey and Ben

“I’m just not sure of anything anymore. I keep going over it round and round, over and over again. Like any other choice I make might change things. But no. This is the right place for me to be. This is the right thing for me to do. I know that. I just didn’t expect… That it would hurt quite this much. The carousel never stops turning. You can’t get off.” – Ellis


“You know, with everything that happened this past year with you and your baby, she… she lost a leg. And she’s learning how to walk again, and you… You have to let her do that.”
“Why? Why should I do that? Why does she get to go off and put herself in danger and just leave me here to… If she lost a leg, then I lost a leg, too.” -Arizona and Jackson

“Maybe it’s not about you. Maybe it just makes him feel good. Maybe it’s easier just to accept a bunch of dumb roses than to ask a man to fundamentally change who he is or do what makes him feel good, when what makes him feel good is telling you how good you make him feel. Maybe by not letting him give you that, you’re actually taking something away from him.” – Maggie to Catherine

“The reason that your brain can tell your new leg what to do is, um… it all started because of these… these, uh, badass little sensors. Made by an amazing neurosurgeon who… you’re right. We don’t know why we meet the people that we meet, but… I wouldn’t be here without him. He was a brilliant surgeon, and… he was a good friend. And, uh… he would’ve loved this. He would’ve… he would’ve loved it. “ Callie about Derek

“I do not have time for coffee. I do not have time for meetings. I don’t… my job is not to make you feel better about me. My job is to make my patients get better. Do you know what can happen in the hour or two I would be wasting with you? An hour or two matters! They matter to me. They should matter to you. They matter to my patients. If I leave and my patient dies, it’s not me who will suffer. It is his mother, his sisters, his friends, his wife, and they will hate me. With everything inside them, they will hate me and you and everyone here because they won’t understand why he is gone, why people always leave. Why everyone you give a crap about walks away or is ripped from your world without warning, without reason, in convenience stores and plane crashes and podunk hospitals with podunk doctors who don’t do what they are supposed to do, which is save people!” Amelia to Richard

“Every man I’ve ever loved… has died. Including my baby. Thank you, universe. So, I should be, like… Greek tragedy, turned to stone, bat-crap crazy, but I’m good. I got this. I am fine. [Chuckling] I’m telling you, I’m amazing. I am saving lives left and right. I am putting butts in the seats in that O.R. gallery. I mean, people are fighting to hear me lecture. I am entertaining. Joke, joke, joke! I’m funny! I’m fun! I’m a party! I’m doing… I’m great! I’m handling the dead-Derek thing really well.” – Amelia to Owen

“All this stuff you’re… managing… you’re not supposed to be managing it. You’re supposed to be feeling it. Grief, loss, pain. It is normal.”
“It’s not normal.”
“It is. It is normal. It’s not normal to you ’cause you’ve never done it. Y… instead of feeling it, feeling the grief and the pain, you’ve shoved it all down and you do drugs instead. Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it. You… Instead of dealing with being hurt and alone and afraid that this horrible, empty feeling is all there is, I run from it. I run off, and I sign up for another tour of active duty.  We do these things. We run off, and we… we medicate. We do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation, but it’s not normal. We’re supposed to feel. We’re supposed to love and hate and hurt and grieve and break and be destroyed and rebuild ourselves to be destroyed again. That is human. That is humanity. That’s…that’s…that’s being alive. That’s the point. That’s the entire point. Don’t…don’t avoid it. Don’t…extinguish it.” Owen and Amelia



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