Spring has finally sprung and with it comes sunshine, warmth, flowers, and pollen. One of these things is not like the other. I am generally against judgments on procreation, but the plant sex makes me miserable. It is months of sneezing, running noses, watery eyes, and sinus headaches that my head feel like it’s made of concrete. I know I am not alone in my pain; millions of people suffer right along with me each year. So this this for you, my fellow sinus-y brothers and sisters.

Sneezing. Sneezing by itself can be pretty scary experience. Do it while driving and it ups the danger factor at least ten-fold. I’m not sure if your insurance covers allergy season, but mine sure doesn’t. Also, I recently had the experience of sneezing while on my period. You ladies know what I mean. Don’t lie. My bed looked like a crime scene. And those of you who are pregnant? I salute you.


The headaches: Nothing helps! My whole face just hurts and all I want to do is lie on it, which makes it hurt.


Watery eyes. There is nothing sexy about puffy, red, watery eyes–you can just forget doing your eyeliner or mascara that day; the itching won’t allow it to last.


Runny nose. I am not a mother yet so I don’t keep tissues hidden everywhere like my mom did. This leads to some unfortunate creative choices in which my shirts become rags.

Runny nose

Speaking of noses, if it’s not sneezing or runny, it’s so congested due to all the allergy-drying medication I’ve taken that all I want to do is rip it off my face and swear myself to Voldemort.

And finally with your nose come the nosebleeds. You find this year’s great nasal spray (every year it is different. It’s the one time I agree with people that Big Pharma is just milking us out of our money), and use it religiously–so religiously, in fact, it dries you up so bad inside that you wake up looking like you took a baseball to the face.


Sore throat. You take a breath while walking outside and suddenly your throat is coated in pollen and you spend the rest of the day miming like Ariel from The Little Mermaid.

Little Mermaid

Coughing. Whether it’s the lovely sinus drainage causing it, the saline solution you’ve just shot up your nose, or the pollen itself making your lungs literally feel like they are itching, the cough is a nuisance that none of the usual remedies seem to alleviate.


Itching. I can’t be the only one who gets itchy from the grass, the pollen, my own sweat. It’s months of constant chickenpox flashbacks, with the occasional bonus of hives.


Drowsiness. It is finally sunny and beautiful outside, the perfect motivator to get out and do things, but most allergy medications make you drowsy. And if you don’t take them you feel too awful to do anything anyway. It’s a no-win situation that zips any motivation you had.


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