Decorating a gingerbread house is a time-honored holiday tradition. The smell of ginger and clove, the careful application of gumdrops in just the right spot, toasting your little work of art with a cup of hot cocoa while Bing Crosby croons in the background. Lovely. Just breathe in the Rockwellian coziness and contentment.

Now, take a peek into my house. There’s a pre-made gingerbread kit slapped on the table (because ain’t nobody got time to bake real gingerbread). My dog is constantly trying to jump up there to eat the fake candy that comes with it. One of my kids wants to decorate it alone while another wants nothing to do with the project and I’m yelling at her to COME DOWNSTAIRS AND ENJOY CHRISTMAS, DAMMIT! This is why God made wine.

Here are seven gingerbread kits that make the holidays a little more jolly just because, like us, they’re a little different.

Ninjabread Cookie Kit:  My boys are both into karate, and we dig the Ninjabread kit because it combines their love of martial arts with their love of baked goods. The upside to this kit is that you are baking actual cookies, so unlike the premade kits, you can eat it and it will taste like food!

Tiny House Gingerbread Kit:  I suppose if you have a tiny house, you want tiny things to go in it, like this tiny kit with tiny candies that I only have a tiny amount of patience for.

Walking Gingerdead Cookie Kit:  I am not even a Walking Dead fan and I want this just because of the awesome zombies. Nothing says “Holiday Cheer” like the undead festooned with candy buttons!

Candy Land Gingerbread House:  I don’t get it. Every gingerbread house already looks like Candy Land. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS? It’s like when I bought that Minecraft Lego Kit. I was just buying expensive blocks that you put together to make something that looks LIKE BLOCKS.

Trailer Park Gingerbread Kit:  This kit contains one trailer and sled, and paper cutouts of Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the reindeer kickin’ it redneck style. Not included: Dale Earnhardt flags, but you can make some!

Williams-Sonoma Gingerbread House:  This looks very pretty, but if you’re really living the Williams-Sonoma lifestyle, you’ve already made your own house from scratch using things like organic free-range cinnamon.  This kit is for upper-crusters to give to needy children so the kids don’t have to suffer with a Wal-Mart gingerbread house.

Gingerbread Barn:  This one is pretty darn cute for kids who love farm animals!  There’s a widdle cookie piggie!

There’s a gingerbread kit for everyone, so go ahead and open up a new box of wine, turn up the Christmas tunes, and get in the holiday spirit!

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