WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! A WEDDING THAT EVERYONE SURVIVES? WOW! Also: What the what?! Littlefinger is marrying Sansa off to him?

Game of Thrones 5x03 Ramsay Bolton Iwan Rheon

Wasn’t that horrifying “courtship” with Joffery enough? *shudders*

Channing Tatum EW meme

What happened:

This week’s episode opens with Arya beginning her training in the House of Black and White; lesson one: “Valar doheris.” While Arya knows that all men must serve, sweeping the floors wasn’t exactly her idea of serving. Neither, for that matter, was divesting – well, mostly divesting – herself of her identity.

Game of Thrones 5x03 Arya

Back in King’s Landing, Tommen and Margaery tie the knot! AND NO ONE DIES! Though, we’ll see how long that lasts because neither Queen Margaery nor Queen Mother Cersei waits to start trying to out-maneuver one another. You have to give it to Margaery, though: the woman has got some game where backhanded compliments are concerned. Grandma Olenna taught her well. We also meet the High Sparrow, the leader of a more fanatical sect of the Faith than King’s Landing has seen in a long time.

Game of Thrones 5x03 High Sparrow Margaery Tommen

On the Wall, Jon Snow sits as newly elected Lord Commander and is starting to get a handle on the kind of responsibilities he now has to shoulder. Somewhere in northern Westeros, Brienne and Podrick are bonding (adorably) and learning to work together while also following Sansa and Littlefinger. …toward… Winterfell, which is now held by traitorous bannerman Roose Bolton and his sadistic son. Aaaand Littlefinger reveals to Sansa that he has agreed to marry her off to Ramsay Bolton. WHAT THE HELL EVEN?! NO! Sansa, to her credit, eventually puts on her game face, but to what end? Hopefully, not her own.

Tyron and Varys makes it as far as Volantis before Tyrion literally cannot even with being in the litter anymore and forces a pit stop. Here, in a Volantine brothel, Tyrion’s emotions overcome his shock and his cynicism. And then he’s kidnapped! By none other than Ser Jorah Mormont. This should be interesting.

What I Loved

  • Seeing Theon Greyjoy for the first time in a hot minute, which isn’t all that exciting, tbh …except to see his reaction to Sansa. Despite all that Ramsay Bolton has put him through, there is still some bit of Theon left in the shell called “Reek.” Let’s just hope it’s one of the better parts of Theon.
  • Arya saving Needle.
  • Brienne opening up to Pod
  • Margaery throwing some really intense shade

What Could Have Been Better

I have a confession: I am not just a fan of Game of Thrones. I’m also a fan of the A Song of Ice and Fire books.   While, I do try to hold in my head – usually, quite successfully – that they are two different works, I have to admit that what I feel could have been better in this episode is influenced by having read what has been published of the book series.

Okay. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest…

I am not pleased with the decision to marry Sansa and Ramsay Bolton. Not even a little bit.

Game of Thrones 5x03 High Sparrow Roose Bolton Ramsay Bolton Walda Frey

What I’m Looking Forward To

I am very anxious to see how Tyrion fairs in the hands of Jorah and how that might color his first meeting with Danaerys. I am curious – admittedly, morbidly so – about how Sansa’s being back at Winterfell is going to play out and whether or not Theon is going to play a part in whatever is to come. I’m also looking forward to seeing what kind of role the High Sparrow is going to play in King’s Landing.

Best lines:

“There’s no justice in the world. Not unless we make it.” – Littlefinger

“Hypocrisy is a boil. Lancing a boil is never pleasant.” – The High Sparrow

“I tell them no one is special, and they think I’m special for telling them so.” – The High Sparrow

“Someone who inspires priests and whores is someone worth taking seriously.” – Varys

“Who needs wealth when you can make a woman laugh?” – Tyrion


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