by Barbara and Alex Doyle
Before we get to the group being responsible for some biological weapons grade littering, things open with Warren and Vasquez taking home the gold in Olympic level Synchronized Slaying. When the last of them drops the pair start making out (finally!)
…before Vasquez turns into a zombie.
Warren starts awake and we realize she was just ‘catching some Zs’ (author high fives self) and we discover the team is actually heading west in an RV and about to encounter what Doc later describes as a “ten point zero zombie quake” moving to cut them off. Checking in with Citizen Z (who is still having problems with his shambolic roommates) they confirm that it’s bad…just in time for the RV to break down.
Fortunately it breaks down in front of two four wheeled ATVs. Unfortunately there’s no room for 10K and Doc, who head for higher ground while the rest of the team presses on. Doc and 10K don’t get far before they’re bagged by a group of Native Americans, whose leader, Red Hawk, lambastes the two of them for Z Day, and, well pretty much everything done in North America for the last 500+ years. His sister, Ayalla, interrupts the monologue long enough for Doc to find a medicine woman with a similar attitude towards recreational pharmaceuticals, and hey, some weapons grade peyote. As Ayalla patches up 10K she explains that Red Hawk and their father didn’t see eye to eye about things, and they’re living out here while the other half of the tribe is holed up in a casino.
At this point, Red Hawk cuts 10K and a very tripping Doc loose, only to have them step in traps that leave them hanging from trees as an ‘early warning system’ for zombies. Which, we might point out, is an excellent plan—since he can’t see the mile high dust cloud kicked up by the Zunami, a couple of screaming dudes should make all the difference. When they’re approached by a Z with a cleaver in it’s back (kind of how like tins of meat come with a key for opening them) Doc apparently manages to kill it with the Acme convenience cleaver by summoning an aboriginal version of himself out of the Dreamtime. While you’re thinking WTF, there are a few mitigating circumstances we should mention:
- The peyote really was weapons grade.
- Doc’s spirit name is probably Wile E. Peyote.
- Those PSAs were right about drugs: it’s surprisingly easy to trip and kill someone.
The respite doesn’t last, however, and as a second Z tries to kill them, the cavalry shows up in the form of Ayalla who puts an arrow through the Z’s head, cuts down 10K and Doc, and takes them to go meet her dad.
Meanwhile, the rest of the group has ridden their four wheelers to a Native American casino, where they meet Ayalla’s dad, chief Fire Cloud, and start discussing the best plan of action to survive the Zunami. While they’re arguing, Addy gets in touch with Citizen Z and is sent the full coordinates for the CDC lab, which resides in a residential area to the west of Los Angeles. BTW—does Citizen Z know that Mack is dead? If not, someone should alert him of his potential of (virtually, at least) making his way out of the friend zone.
Speaking of Citizen Z, we find that the good news is that he has just about evicted all of his annoying roommates from the Really Big Brother house. The bad news is that he’s out of ammo and down to an anti tank missile to take out the remaining Z. Tank shooting ranges being in short supply, he’s able to use his phone-a-friend to have Warren talk him through arming the launcher, and, after some power supply problems with the launcher, he manages to put the battery in “assault and battery,” scoring a perfect hole in one for Zombie Kill Of The Week. The side effect of this is that parts of what’s left of the shambles of base are on fire, but on the bright side, that fire easily did a few thousand dollars worth of improvements.
Back at the casino, Ayalla shows up with Doc and 10K they want to gamble on going to higher ground with Red Hawk. Most of the tribe is out but Dad stays and doubles down to die when the horde of zombies hitting the casino implodes it. Really? That influx didn’t look any worse than the typical amount of gamblers on a paycheck Friday.
Unfortunately the zombie’s killer streak hasn’t crapped out and, at higher ground the team discovers zombies are going over the top (not the first time on this show something has been over the top. Amirite?) They realize they’re gonna have to do something since nobody is high enough to be safe from Z’s, Doc’s previous mind expanding experiences notwithstanding.
At this point Doc is inspired both by the ancient methods of tribe’s petroglyphs of their ancestors hunting, and the modern wisdom of “kill it with fire!” He and the team quickly set fires to divert the zunami into the Grand Canyon, and the Zs, like show creators Schaefer and Engler, aren’t afraid to go over the top to produce a beautiful slaughterfall. It’s worth noting that the team has to hold back Murphy from trying to save the Zs as they create a petrochemical company level environmental disaster.
With the danger passed, the team bids farewell to the tribe, pausing while Warren has to talk to a distraught Murphy, telling him that he’s going to have to choose a side. We end with the team driving off into the distance.
Still Alive: Warren, Vasquez, Doc, 10K, Addy, Murphy (kinda) and Citizen Z (absolutely!)
10K’s Kill Count: Something over 4243, which was his total at the end of “Rozwell.”
What we loved:
The return of Citizen Z.
Warren’s wiping away Murphy’s tear after telling him he’s going to have to choose sides. It was a touching moment that illustrated the deeper relationship between the two. It also works as a reference to the “Crying Indian” Keep America Beautiful PSAs from the 70s.
The complete coordinates of the CDC lab now put it in a residential area west of Los Angeles, rather than in the ocean.
What bugged us:
Doc killing the Z with his mind? What was that?
What we didn’t see coming:
Zombies that can implode a casino? We would have lost a bet on that one.
Quote worthy lines:
Citizen Z: “Where the hell do you dudes keep coming from?”
Warren: “That’s not a zunami. That’s the end of the world.”
Doc: “Looks like you might be getting to ten thousand a lot sooner than you thought.”
Red Hawk: “On this day, and for generations to come, our people will remember you of the Z Nation, who fought with us here today. They will know who you are and what you did.”
Doc: “Oh, and if anybody asks, we were nowhere near the Grand Canyon.”
Warren, to Murphy: The day is coming when you’re gonna have to decide what you are: human or zombie. And when that day comes I want you to remember which of the two is trying to keep you alive, and which one wants to eat your brains.
Zombie Kill Of The Week:
Citizen Z, finding out ‘who wants some’.