By Heather Dyer
The Bitch is Back
Ah, the return of Rachel. Kind of. She’s squirreled away in a mysterious location by her equally mysterious mother, Susan Duncan, and getting regular eye exams and PT workouts from a Castor named Ira, who is a kinder, gentler clone boy than we’re used to seeing. He’s lived his whole life with Susan, so he doesn’t have any of the nastiness his brothers exhibit. Rachel’s mini-me, Charlotte, is significantly less kind and gentle than when we first met her, which is probably a result of spending too much time in a gilded cage with the Ice Queen. Case in point: “Pluto isn’t even a planet, it’s a runt. Like your eye.” Nice, kid. I like your style.
Rachel’s her old self, insulting Ira and antagonizing Susan, but she’s got plenty to be pissed off about. She’s locked up somewhere and can’t escape. She finds out that Charlotte is actually cloned from her and not from the Original, and that her mother has a plan to control human evolution. It’s a lot to deal with.
Down (in) The Rabbit Hole
Back in the super-secret basement lab, I feel sorry for Kira. That poor girl gets passed from one sestra to another and nobody is really paying much attention to her. She even had to hang out with the shopkeeper at one point and play Nerd Games. I predict she’s going to slip out the door when nobody’s watching so she can try and find her father. Which brings up my first complaint this season:
STILL NO CAL.
Last season, he went to great lengths to keep Kira safe, even moving to Iceland, so I find it difficult to believe that Cal wouldn’t be in contact at all. There’s currently no explanation for his absence, and Kira and I are both annoyed about it. I know, the actor who plays him is romping around Westeros, but hopefully Game of Thrones will let him take a little holiday. In the meantime, someone needs to come up with a storyline that makes sense for Cal, even when we don’t see him on screen.
Speaking of Family
Sarah swings by Felix’s place to collect him for her latest adventure, but instead of Fe she finds a woman in the apartment. Sarah pulls her Protective Big Sister act, but it turns out that this is Felix’s real big sister, Adele. This is how he knows they are related:
Adele, what’s your favorite color? Red! Favorite drink? This one’s nice. Ever had sex for material gain? HA, who hasn’t?
That’s good enough for him- they are family. Dear Felix, I hope you’re right, but I’m skeptical of everything at this point.
A Worm by Any Other Name is Still Extremely Disgusting
Cosima can’t tell what the worm in Sarah’s cheek is or what it does, so she is at a loss, she tells Alison. Where, oh, where can a person find a sample robo-worm to examine? Hey – remember when Donnie killed Dr. Leekie and then he and Alison buried him under the cement floor in their garage? Good times. Dr. Leekie may have just such a worm in his cheek, and although Donnie isn’t exactly happy about exhuming the body, he agrees to go along with it, because as Alison put it, “My sister has a robot maggot in her face. Now, go rent a jackhammer.” Tough to argue with that kind of logic.
They have a delightfully awful experience uncovering the body, and both of them almost lose their lunch several times in the process. They finally unwrap Leekie’s cheek, but can’t go any further because they have had their fill of decayed body smell. They video chat with Cosima and explain that someone with a science background needs to come get the sample. When Cosima asks where they are getting the worm, Donnie explains, “One thing led to another, and I did shoot Dr. Leekie and bury him in the garage.” Shocked, Cosima asks, “You killed Aldous Leekie? “Boy, did I ever!” This is the funniest thing they’ve done since the money dance in their underwear.
In other worm-related news, Sarah ends up following a lead to a dental office where they also specialize in implanting robot worms. She finds a dental hygienist who has assisted in procedures before, and, mistaking Sarah for Beth, agrees to take the worm out of her mouth. Unfortunately, before she can complete the process, our old friend Ferdinand shows up and slices the hygienist across the throat.
Advice from me:
Art: When you suspect that a union representative for the police department is involved in your partner’s death, don’t get in his face and let him know you are suspicious. I’m not a cop, but I’m pretty sure that’s a bad idea.
Sarah: Don’t alienate your best friend and dump your child on any person who isn’t currently walking out the door. Don’t let all of this make you forget who you really are. That’s what killed Beth.
Felix: Be skeptical of your new sister! Check every single part of her story, because Sarah could be right, Adele might be a Neolution plant.