This week on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Kimmy tries to stop Cyndee from marrying her gay boyfriend on television, and Titus comes to the realization that he wants to be a father.
Kimmy feels like she’s making progress on her therapy, but when Cyndee calls her to let her know she’s in New York, she knows that she’s going to spend the whole time catering to Cyndee’s needs. It turns out, though, that Cyndee has been talking with a therapist, and is in town with her fiancé Brandon to meet up with him. Kimmy is thrilled, thinking that this is what Cyndee finally needs to help her grow up. Unfortunately, the “therapist” Cyndee has been talking to turns out to be a television host by the name of Dr. Dave (played by the hilarious Jeff Goldblum).
Kimmy is mortified that Cyndee would go through with such a exploitive and unhelpful process, and is further angered when Dr. Dave tries to take advantage of the friends’ fight by pitting Kimmy against Cyndee. He suggests Cyndee marry her fiancé Brandon (who, as we all remember, is very into men) that day on television, and Kimmy is furious.
It turns out that Kimmy never once cried the entire time she was in the bunker, and Cyndee thinks that’s ridiculous – “I’m not crying for you, I’m crying for me. Sometimes it feels good to feel feelings, Kimmy.”
Kimmy isn’t convinced, and tries to leave in anger, but she doesn’t make it very far before she remembers that no matter what, Cyndee is her friend and she should be there for her right now. Returning to the set, she sees Cyndee and Brandon about to take the leap (with Brandon pleading with the audience to see if anyone objects to this union).
Kimmy is overcome with emotion – she doesn’t want Cyndee to get married like this, but she also knows that if she interrupts her wedding, Cyndee will never be her friend again. The moral dilemma is too much for Kimmy, and she finally breaks down and cries for the first time in 15 years. Cyndee is touched, and lets her know that if her get married was enough to make Kimmy cry, then she’s not going to do it.
So the friends make up, and Brandon is ecstatic that Kimmy ruined his potential straight-marriage.
Meanwhile, Titus volunteers for a drug study, and he can’t shave his head – which leads him to look like this for most of the episode:
With his clothes and his hair, a teenager on the street calls him “Sir,” and Titus is thrilled – nobody ever gives him any respect, and he can’t believe the rush he gets from a random kid asking him for help. The teen (Tyler) wants Titus to buy him two tickets to an R-rated movie (“Human Centipede 5: The Need for Pede”) so he can take the girl he likes on a date. Titus gives him advice, from what to say to what to wear, and Tyler thanks him for being more of a father to him than his own is.
Unfortunately, it turns out that Titus’s advice to Tyler wasn’t enough – the girl he likes doesn’t like him back, and Tyler storms out of the theater never wanting to see Titus again. Despite this setback, the interactions he had with him make Titus realize that he wants to be a father.
Titus ends up talking with Lillian (who’s handcuffed to a bulldozer – don’t ask), and this scene gives a perfect example of one of the many reasons I love this show: Despite its (complete, utter, total) weirdness, it really has some sweet moments mixed in – while still inserting jokes about raccoons and Titanic.
Titus: Why did you never have children?
Lillian: Oh, I’m not a mom type. I guess I wanted to hold on to my freedom. To this day, if I see a raccoon, I can follow it, see where it takes all that stuff, and then it’s my stuff.
Titus: Kids can make you feel like you’re king of the world, like Leonardo DiCaprio before chubs took over the whole floating door. And then they turn on you for no reason like me with Kate Winslet.
Lillian: You know, I do have a child. This neighborhood.
Lillian: I take care of it. I protect it. I’d do anything for it. But I was stupid to think I’d get anything back. ‘Cause kids are selfish, and they take you for granted, and you love ‘em anyway. That’s what parenting is all about. You give and you give, and you end up cold, hungry, and handcuffed to a bulldozer.
Titus: What if you still think maybe it’s worth it?
I love the zany, heartwarming moments this show continues to give us. Check out the entire season; it’s streaming on Netflix.