Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season Two, Episode Two – “Kimmy Goes on a Playdate!”
This week on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, we get a few steps closer to understanding that opening scene from Episode One: We get a glimpse of who was in that Santa costume, and we (maybe) know now what painting Jacqueline was talking about. As always though, the weird and wonderful world of Kimmy Schmidt has kept us guessing, and laughing, along the way.
Remember Jacqueline’s stepdaughter Xanthippe from Season One? (Here’s a fun fact for you: Xanthippe was Socrates’ wife, and was portrayed as an extremely hard person to get along with–makes a lot of sense for this character.) Thanks to Kimmy, Xan was sent to Connecticut to live with her mother, and she hates Kimmy because of it. Well, the divorce of Jacqueline and Xan’s father means the selling of their New York City townhouse, and Xan just can’t let go of it. Kimmy finds her moping around the abode with her childhood memories packed up in boxes.
And wonderfully, hilariously, Kimmy jumps right to the defense (rightfully so, considering Xan’s frequent attacks on her in the past):
Xanthippe: What are you doing?
Kimmy: Being in a stupid face contest and coming in second.
Eventually, Kimmy realizes that the only way to help Xan move on from the past is to fill her head with horrible memories of the place. She guides her around, showing her spots like the pantry where Kimmy and Xan’s tutor Charles used to “tongue out in secret.” Kimmy also shows Xan how she would pretend to be a sexy cat burglar avoiding lasers in the kitchen. Rapping her “cool Kimmy raps.” And finally, a world of “infinite Kimmys” in front of the mirror.
Xanthippe is mortified, and accuses Kimmy of ruining the house she grew up in as she grabs her suitcase and heads for the door. Kimmy points out to Xan that at least now she’s willing to leave this place, and Xan shows a little bit of a soft spot for Kimmy’s antics (although she still thinks she’s so weird).
This was my favorite story line during the episode, and if the first scene of Episode One is any indication, it will continue to be so for the season.
Let’s jump back to Season One for a little refresher on Mikey the construction worker. Kimmy was out and about in New York, and a construction worker catcalls her, saying, “You’re making me wish I was those jeans,” to which she cheerfully replies, “Well, I wish I was your yellow hat!” This interaction leads him to question everything he knows about the way he treats women, and eventually to the realization that he is attracted to men. He ends up asking Titus out, but Titus turns him down.
Jumping back to Season Two, our Mikey storyline begins when Titus faces a major crisis: He has too many clothes, and his closet can no longer support the weight of them.
And to explain it, he compares himself to Icarus. Oh, but not that Icarus.
Titus: Much like Icarus, a friend of mine who once put too much stuff in his closet, I put too much stuff in my closet.
In an attempt to downsize, Titus comes to the realization that while it pains him to get rid of his clothing, now the good people of New York will have the opportunity to own some of his masterpieces. Like his shants (shorts that are as long as pants). Sadly, those who run the donation center have no idea the goldmine they’re sitting on, and Titus returns to find his beloved wardrobe marked down to a mere $5.00 for the entire bag.
And once he sees a group of young hipsters laughing at his shants, he’s had it. He grabs all of his clothing and storms out, yelling “You people don’t deserve Titus!” Oh, and if anyone asks, Lillian was most definitely wearing this when she came in:
So a dejected Titus walks down the streets of New York City with Lillian, feeling rejected like “a crinkly dollar bill in a vending machine.” He throws all his beloved articles of clothing into the Dumpster and storms off.
Lo and behold, though, a miracle occurs: Lillian comes to tell a depressed Titus that someone took all his clothes from the dumpster, and he sets out on a journey to find this informed fashionista who obviously saw the potential in Titus’ discards. He sees his glove on the ground, and following dropped items of clothing like breadcrumbs, Titus stumbles upon the truck belonging to Mikey, our lovable construction worker, with Titus’ clothes shoved into the back.
Titus apologizes for climbing into his truck, but Mikey reminds him of their previous interaction when Titus was the first guy Mikey ever hit on. He says that he’s not exactly “out out” at work, so he still has to put up a front. Go to the strip club with the guys, airbrush a hot chick on the back of his truck:
(An amazing use of a Tilda Swinton joke, by the way.)
And this is where the most adorable interaction of the episode happens:
Titus: I get it. Putting yourself out there is scary.
Mikey: Right? And with the gay stuff, I don’t know where to start. Sometimes I snazz things up at work like with this shirt, but then the guys start razzing me like, “How’s it going, Mr. Shirt?” That kind of thing. When I saw your clothes in the dumpster, I just thought they were real beautiful.
Titus: Thank you. That’s… thank you. Well, goodbye forever.
Mikey: Titus, wait. Don’t you think it’s, I don’t know, a sign, running into each other like this?
Mikey: Well, look. You already rejected me once, but you remind me of Carlos Delgado from the Mets and that’s just hot, and uh, whatever. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take, right?
Titus: Mathematically, no, but I do know what you’re saying.
Mikey: Okay, so–you wanna go out sometime?
They just have such adorable chemistry together, and Mikey seems like such a sweet and genuine guy. I’m excited to see what antics these two get into together in coming episodes.
Jacqueline (formerly Jackie Lynn) has returned to New York, albeit less than triumphantly. (As a reminder from last week, Jackie Lynn had a vision while stuck in the back of a cab. Inspiration struck her, and she somehow escaped and made her way back to New York in that same taxi.) No longer with the last name of Vorhees, Jacqueline now adopts her maiden name White (which was given to her Sioux family in the 1920s by a “sarcastic census taker”). She implores Kimmy to help her renew her image as a powerful and rich society woman, which means that absolutely no one can find out she got a mere $12 million in her divorce. She knows she would be the laughing stock of New York City’s elite, so she schemes to get into the good graces of its ringleader Deirdre Robespierre.
Deirdre, excellently played by Pitch Perfect’s Anna Camp, is the best of the best when it comes to the ladies who lunch in New York (or would it be worst of the worst?). She’s judgmental, arrogant, and even she isn’t sure whether she’s trying to provide helpful tips or completely destroy Jacqueline’s self-esteem. (She has a degree in political science from Princeton, and “all that wasted mental energy has to go somewhere.”)
Jacqueline knows that beneath Deirdre’s attempts to help lies a desire to see Jacqueline completely destroyed. Deirdre lets Jacqueline know that there’s a rumor going around she got only $12 million in the divorce, and in a panic, Jacqueline commits herself to going to a huge art auction that night to prove everyone wrong.
Seeking Kimmy’s help, Jacqueline clings to the idea of projecting an image of someone who still has plenty of money and influence. Kimmy confronts Jacqueline about her lying, though: Kimmy doesn’t understand why Jacqueline would lie to everyone just to go back to a life that wouldn’t even make her happy. Jacqueline finally confides in Kimmy that she’s not doing it for herself, she’s doing it for her family. The Dutch bought Manhattan from Native Americans for $24 worth of beads, and now it’s worth trillions–and Jacqueline plans to make up the difference. Rich women like Deirdre have husbands that donate billions to charity, and if Jacqueline can get back into that world she has a chance to take from the rich to give to the poor. She could start a charity that would make up for 400 years of “Dutch oppression,” but she knows she won’t get a penny until she’s taken seriously.
Seeing her pain, Kimmy tells Jacqueline that when she lived in the bunker, the surest way to gain respect was for a new girl to approach the toughest girl there and punch her right in the face. This inspires Jacqueline to metaphorically punch Deirdre right in the face, by bidding $11.5 million on a painting at the auction.
It’s unclear what Jacqueline’s next steps will be, but judging by the look on Deirdre’s face, all of New York City will now believe that Jacqueline took Julian for all he was worth, and her plan has officially been set into motion.
Here are some moments from the episode that had me laughing the hardest:
- When Jacqueline shows up to Kimmy’s apartment to ask for help, Kimmy lets Titus know that her former boss will be staying with them for a few days. Jacqueline seems to have forgotten, though, that she and Titus tried to “murder” the robot Yuko that insulted both of them at Jacqueline’s husband’s party in Season One.
Kimmy: Jacqueline’s going to be staying with us for a few days. You two have met, right?
Jacqueline: Doorman at Barney’s.
Titus: We buried a robot together.
- Jacqueline tries to describe her plan to Kimmy using the analogy of Robin Hood. This gets them talking about the cartoon-fox version of the character, and it… well, it takes a turn.
Jacqueline: You know who Robin Hood is?
Kimmy: Uh, yea. That Disney movie where Robin Hood’s a fox. When you were little, did you think he was handsome, and then, like, your crotch gets a headache?
- When Kimmy is offered a playdate by Deirdre Robespierre, she pretends to be checking her “calendar,” but all she does is flip through pictures on her phone of an encounter with a squirrel gone horribly wrong. (This one was by far my favorite. I started laughing again just taking these screenshots.)
As always, there were far more laughs in the episode than I could list here, so go check out the show for yourself – the entire season is streaming on Netflix!