This week we find out what the heck was going in Alexandria during the great walker herding adventure, and we find out the deal with the horn.

Flashback: Enid in a parked car, waiting for her parents to figure out where the ignition switch is on the stalled vehicle. They are so preoccupied with reading the manual that they end up getting eaten by zombies. (I feel like this is a thing that would totally happen to me. My lack of car knowledge will doubtless prove fatal come the advent of the zombie horde. Ah, well.) Anyhoo.

Poor Enid is left to fend for herself. We see her wandering and alone, periodically taking shelter beneath a wooden sign or in an abandoned car. She stares into space and scratches the letters “JSS” into the dirt or in the fog on a window. Most awesomely, she catches and eats a wild tortoise, raw, and spells out “JSS” with its teeny tiny bones. Eventually, she happens upon the gates of Alexandria and though she hesitates at first, she enters. End of flashback. See how easy that was, TWD writers? No confusing black and white back and forth nonsense. Remember that.

Back in post-apocalyptic suburbia, all is, if not peaceful, kinda boring. Deanna is somewhat zombified herself as she is still traumatized over losing Reg. Carol is making a casserole and dealing with the Alexandria Ladies Auxiliary broads who can’t seem to grasp this whole APOCALYPSE thing, but she glues a smile to her face and soldiers on.

Sweatpants & TV The Walking Dead JSS Carol

Ron is being a mopey douchewad to Jessie because he misses his dead abusive daddy (and he doesn’t want a haircut). There’s a new doc (Merritt Weaver, yay!) who has anxiety and isn’t really a doctor doctor.

Carl is out walking Judith in her stroller like a good big brother. No doubt he is hoping to be seen by Enid, because, hello – babies are chick magnets. Instead, he sees her sitting with Emo Ron. Also, speaking of emo, Gabriel accosts him and says he had it all wrong and now he wants to help. Instead of telling him to fuck off and play in zombie traffic, Carl agrees to teach him how to fight. (Boo.)

Carol is busy baking her celery soup and paprika casserole when she sees Shelley outside smoking. As she watches, a man appears out of nowhere and clobbers Shelley in the head. Smoking kills, y’all. Alexandria is under attack! Intruders scale the walls and burst into the community, hacking and burning everything and everyone in sight. The wolves are in the gates.

Carl is guarding Judith. Enid comes by to drop off the master keys so the bad guys won’t get them. She’s leaving. Carl, however, is having none of it.”You’re not going anywhere. Sit down. You’re helping me protect Judith. They’re not getting inside this house.” Lookit Carl, being all badass! He tells Enid not to say goodbye to him, and she promises not to.

It’s chaos in the community. One of Carol’s pantry lady friends gets mortally wounded, and Carol lovingly shushes her before giving her a merciful shiv to the skull. Spencer, Deanna’s useless son, seems to be a terrible shot. He does, however, manage to kill the driver of a semi that is headed right toward the walls. The driver flops over dead, leaving the horn blaring. Ahhhhh, there it is.

Morgan appears and demands to know what is going on. Spencer tells him, but he refuses to join Morgan in going back in to help people. Morgan looks at him pityingly and says, “Hide.” Deanna also ends up staying outside the walls, claiming she will be of no use and will only cause people to have to risk their lives for her. I’m fine with it. She’s boring me.

Inside the walls, the Wolves are killing with crazy savagery. They remind me of the Reavers from Joss Whedon’s Firefly. People who were once human but who succumbed to the horror and violence of the world around them and to their own aggressive nature. Morgan doesn’t want to kill them, and they look down on him for it. While he’s trying to gently whoop ass with his bo staff, Carol ninjas out and saves the day. She disguises herself in a dark hood and paints a bloody W on her forehead, the fool the Wolves. Morgan tries to tell her she doesn’t have to kill, but Carol has always known how to handle business. It’s true – she doesn’t like killing. But she will do what is necessary. Morgan’s conscience might prove problematic in the future.

As the fighting dies down, Carl hears the timer ding for Carol’s casserole. He calls for Enid and discovers she is gone, but she’s left him a note: “Just Survive Somehow.” JSS.

What I Loved:

Well, obviously, Enid chowing down on the tortoise. That was pretty gnarly.

Carol’s smiling showdown with Shelley the Complainer in the pantry. No one cares that you hate dried noodles, Shelley!

Carl killing that Wolf right in front of Emo Ron.

Jessie killing the lady Wolf with her haircutting scissors! Also, in front of Emo Ron.

Sweatpants & Coffee The Walking Dead JSS Jessie

Ninja Carol.

Sweatpants & Coffee The Walking Dead JSS Carol casserole

What Could Have Been Better:

I don’t like this switching off between the two groups every other episode. I get what they’re trying to do, but still.

Also, Gabriel: still not eaten. What’s up with that?

What I’m Looking Forward To:

Finding out who took those surveillance photos Aaron found in the bag of one of the dead Wolves. Obviously it was someone from within Alexandria.
EDIT: I have been informed Aaron dropped that bag of photos. Which of course, NOW I remember. You guys know I have short term memory issues, right? Or did I forget to tell you that? Okay then. Tell me what you are looking forward to. Besides me getting stuff right. (Could be a big disappointment for you if that’s what you’re hoping for.)

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