In typical fashion, the finale of The X-Files 2016 edition left us with more questions than answers, the greatest of which is: will the reboot return for another season?
I want to believe. Mostly because I want to believe that Chris Carter is not a heartless tease who delights in frustrating his loyal fans, some of whom may or may not be forced to turn to fanfiction in order to achieve some sort of personal resolution.
Right now, The X-Files is like a persistent ex we just can’t stay broken up with because we have too much damn history, and okay, it’s not perfect, but we’ve invested so much at this point that we just can’t walk away.
As far as conspiracy-based shows go, you can’t really go wrong with a mysterious virus. Remember the Hanta virus, back in the day? Well, this one is the Spartan virus, and it is nasty. It’s so bad that Tad O’Malley has returned to the airwaves to warn us about it.
Mulder is missing and Mulder and Scully Lite Agents Miller and Einstein are back to help in the search. I feel like this is a good time to address the Powers That Be and petition them not to do a spinoff with these two characters. Just. NO. I’d sooner watch a zombie show with the reanimated corpses of The Lone Gunmen. (Actually, that’s not a bad idea…)
Agent Reyes is back! And she’s a total sellout. Boo. Apparently, Cigarette Smoking Man has persuaded her to work for him in exchange for immunity (quite literally, in this case) from the virus. I hope he offered a good 401K plan, because among other things, Reyes has to light his throat ciggies, which is super gross.
Scully finds all of it disgusting, but she’ll take whatever info Reyes has on Mulder.
CSM sent a minion to go talk to Mulder now that microbial shit is hitting the fan. Except by “talk to” he must’ve meant “beat the bejeezus out of.” We get to see Mulder going all Mortal Kombat on this guy, and it gets a favorite moments nod for hotness.
Mulder then pays a visit to CSM, who, according to Reyes, loves him. For those keeping track, this is probably because he is Mulder’s bio dad. Or he’s just a weirdo who likes to show his love by repeatedly putting the object of his affections in life threatening danger, just to see what happens. CSM tells Mulder it’s all going down. The aliens predicted all the terrible crap humanity has done to the planet and to each other and yadda, yadda, yadda…this is for the best. CSM and his cronies, via the smallpox vaccine, have been injecting alien DNA into the special elite. This DNA will protect them from the global contagion. He’s making a master race. “The world will go on. Just in my image, instead of God’s.”
CSM is offering Mulder what he calls a seat at the big table, but Mulder refuses. He could never live with himself. CSM taunts him. Doesn’t he want to see Scully again? Mulder is not having it. If CSM harms Scully in any way, Mulder will fucking end him.
Mulder starts getting sick. He is not one of the chosen, and now he’s turned down his chance at salvation. Miller, who is sick himself, finds him and attempts to bring him to Scully.
Scully, meanwhile realizes that the alien DNA is, in fact, protective, and that her blood can be used to formulate a cure. This is great, because she’ll be able to save Mulder, but a small part of me was hoping that this is how The Walking Dead virus originates. (Yes, I know there’s that other show explaining all that, but c’mon. Tell me an X-Files-Walking Dead crossover wouldn’t be EPIC.)
There’s a huge traffic jam of fleeing sick people, and Mulder and Miller are caught in it. Scully makes her way to them on foot and as she reaches Mulder with the IV cure, a beam of light hits them. There’s a spaceship hovering overhead.
I’m assuming Mulder survives. And it looks as though there will be another season, given the rating success of this mini-series.
Right? RIGHT? Until we find out, someone hold me. *retreats to mental happy place*