The morning after having completed the Insanity fit test — which isn’t even a full, official work-out — I woke up muttering a line made famous by Lost In Space’s Dr. Zachary Smith: “Oh, the pain, the pain!”

Shaun T Insanity Someecard

Everything hurt.

And yet, it was a good hurt. The kind that made me want to jump out of bed, run to the living room and do the first official Insanity workout. The fatal flaw in that plan, of course, was my complete and total inability to jump. Or run.

I did, however, make my way to the living room, pop in the second disc, labeled Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

One of the things instructor Shawn T says from the beginning is to be sure and take lots of breaks when you feel the need. He’s also very big on putting form above function (important to avoid injury), staying hydrated and pushing yourself as hard as possible.

For the next 40 or so minute, I did exactly that.

Each workout begins with a warm-up routine that involves stretching and breathing, and it’s not an exaggeration to say that by the time I’d finished the warm-ups, I’d already worked up a sweat. But the pain which I’d started the day with had faded, replaced with something completely unfamiliar to me: pride.

I was doing it.

And I felt awesome.

By day 3, I’d realized that while each disc bore a different title — this one was Cardio Power And Resistance — they largely featured similar exercises done at various speeds. I also came to the stunning conclusion that not only was I enjoying the workouts, but I was literally leaping out of bed each morning (something I’m not generally prone to doing) in order to do them before going to work.

Was I able to do the workouts in full? Oh, hell to the no. Not even close! But I noticed that each day, I was able to do more than the day before. In doing the pre-program stretching, I was closer to being able to touch my toes than I’d been in years. And while I’m sure it was a complete and total delusion, I became convinced that my clothes were looser.

My efforts were being noticed, too.

Sure, the first thing that got someone’s attention was less than flattering. “Good God,” said Charlie, rushing from the other side of the house in response to sounds he’d heard coming from the living room (or torturetorium, as I’d taken to calling it). “I thought someone was murdering a wild boar in here!”

Soon enough, however, I was getting the occasional comment every person on any diet or exercise regimen lives for: “You’re looking good. Have you lost weight?”

I was living the Rupaul song, “Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous!”

Until, as happens in every movie which features a song playing the background, the needle skipped the groove and the music was placed by a scratching sound. Something had gone terribly wrong…

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