Note: once upon a time, Kathy worked as an actual bartender. Then she became a mom. Apparently, it’s not that different.


Being a parent to a toddler going through terrible twos is like being a bartender dealing with a belligerent drunk who just wants one more drink at last call.



Drunk: has one volume – LOUD. It could be happy loud, sad loud, mad loud, but no matter what, it’s loud.
My toddler: same.

loud noises

Drunk: keeps begging you for that one last drink, which you finally give him only to have him spill or throw it.
My toddler: begs for one more piece of bread which he promptly feeds to our dog.


Drunk: gets mad over nothing. It could be the look someone in the bar gave him, or the song on the jukebox, or just your face. He then begins to throw things. His drink, the peanuts, etc.
My toddler: flings Elmo, his sippy cup, and the remote.


Drunk: eventually takes a swing at you and misses because he’s drunk.
My toddler: tiny t-rex arms and toddler reflexes cause him to miss and fall.


Drunk: becomes overly emotional and begins to pitch a fit. Is mad at you for taking his keys but is so grateful to you for being his friend.
My toddler: has a tantrum over nothing. Is super angry with me but also wants to cuddle. It’s complicated.


Drunk: is so busy being belligerent he forgets to go to the bathroom and soils himself – maybe more than once.
My toddler: went through 5 pairs of Mickey Mouse underwear in an afternoon.


Drunk: passes out so suddenly mid-rant that you are a little worried for his safety.
My toddler: same, but I don’t want to risk waking him because the house is finally silent.


It strikes fear in your heart because you know he will be back again, causing the same trouble. He just can’t help himself.


You muddle through your next shift because at the end of the day you love your belligerent drunk toddler.

You know you love me


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