“(650): What’re you gonna do with the rest of your night?
(858): Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie”
— TextsFromLastNight (@TFLN) June 15, 2016
I can’t even make microwave Mac and cheese and I’m supposed to make important life decisions
— storm (@StormZink) June 6, 2016
I think my house is haunted because I tried cooking and it didn’t taste very good.
— Cracked.com (@cracked) June 15, 2016
The sound of an exploding weenie in the microwave, is my mating call.
— I’m yer Freckleberry (@PicklesnPickles) June 15, 2016
When your grandma is cooking with chile pic.twitter.com/HLmGOjLztJ
— EMO GOD (@MattsSad) June 14, 2016
Why does cooking take like six hours and eating like three seconds and washing dishes like seven days and seven nights
— The Struggle Bus (@FactsOrDie) June 14, 2016
Honey, stop complaining about where we’ve gone for your birthday dinner and just order into the damn speaker so we can pull ahead.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 15, 2016
*watches an hour long cooking show making creamy fancy dessert*
*buys pre-made jello pudding cups*
— Ɠıཞɩ Ơŋ ɬą℘ąʂ (@girlontapas) June 13, 2016
i just got this really great idea to teach myself guitar but then i realized i can’t even teach myself to cook pasta correctly
— ellie humphrey (@humphreyyy67) June 15, 2016
I do my best cooking when I’ve been drinking…
-and other lies I tell myself
— Kimtopher (@chelliet22) June 11, 2016
Some days I feel like an adult…and other days I catch a bagel on fire in the microwave 🔥 pic.twitter.com/bJ5opqC0N8
— Jason wirtz (@WirtzJason) June 7, 2016
i wanna host a cooking show where i just make sandwiches. i’d call it “between two breads”
— onlyastoner (@onlyastoner) June 10, 2016
My microwave broke and now I can’t cook.
— Snowbee (@3Snowbee3) June 9, 2016
Man, how long does it take for a skillet to heat up?
*looks down
*stove top isn’t on— Buff-ish (@dplummer79) June 8, 2016
I need to get some cooking skills or marry someone who does otherwise my kids are having Tyson chicken nuggets and mac & cheese everyday
— Kayla Olsen (@olsenkayla) June 13, 2016
Emily Parker is a musician, writer, and avid reader who started Bucket List Book Reviews, the ‘1,001 Books to Read Before You Die’ project. For Sweatpants & Coffee, Emily hopes to inspire the reading of the classics by a whole new audience by only reviewing the really good stuff.
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