I hope I get a chore list cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day….
— DJ Flanders (@djflanders) June 13, 2018
Listen radio….My dad doesn’t want sherries berries for Father’s Day. He wants food and whisky. Bye.
— unhealthy perfection (@sapphireeyezz) June 13, 2018
My Dad bod is so on point that I think I should get a Father’s Day gift
— ebony falcon (@mattmerriman19) June 13, 2018
I asked my dad where he wants to eat for Father’s Day. He said he wants me to go to church 💀
— arlena (@arlenatrami) June 13, 2018
“Get your dad a DNA testing kit for Father’s Day!!” No thanks weird tv commercials if I want to find out if my dad is involved in any major crimes I’ll do it the old fashioned way, a death bed confession or finding suspicious documents while cleaning out his house after he’s gone
— Clarissa Jones (@ClarissaJ97) June 12, 2018
only Father's Day gear I recognize is shirts that portray me as both an emasculated baby and a primal hungry monster pic.twitter.com/ayS8LJvEDo
— PAPPADEMAS (@PAPPADEMAS) May 31, 2018
Father's Day is a disaster for yer bank account when both your maw and Da remarried men
— Danny (@18DM72) June 12, 2018
Father’s Day coming up. Can’t wait to be served Norovirus in bed.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 11, 2018
Me: Dad I got you a thermostat we can all control from an app on our phones for Father’s Day
Dad: *struggling to get up from his la-z-boy* YOU SON OF A BITCH
— Boog (@BoogTweets) June 11, 2018
“My dad’s dead”
“My son killed me”
“I tried to kill my son”
“BOTH my dads are dead”
“ANY father figure I have is dead or evil”
“I will never live up to my dad”Happy Father’s Day from Target pic.twitter.com/7ifSCU31ps
— Donnacha Kenny 🦖 (@TwoClawsMedia) May 31, 2018
Father’s Day prayer:
May your coffee be as strong as your dad jokes, your life as full as your cargo shorts pockets, and your future as bright as the white socks you wear with your sandals.
— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) June 11, 2018
Making Father's Day plans with the girls. 9yo says 'I think we should give Dad a lie-in'
6yo: 'A LION??? SERIOUSLY?'
— Elin Roddy (@elinlowri) June 3, 2018
i could have SWORN that my dad asked me to get him a vanessa carlton vinyl for father’s day, but apparently I imagined that entire conversation because he was very confused when I brought it up
— TORI VASQUEZ (@JustxTori) June 3, 2018
I went into town today to get my dad a Father’s Day present, and I accidentally bought myself a new set of golf clubs instead. Sorry Dad, better luck next year!
— Sterling Byre (@stbyre) June 1, 2018
Dad has strongly hinted four times now that he reeeeally likes "the pirate Transformer from the films" (he means Crosshairs) so I am taking this as a subtle hint that he wants a Crosshairs toy for Father's Day
(with a bottle of Baileys as a back-up gift if I got that wrong obvs)
— Hägen Dïrge Ice Cream Coneheads (@tainkirrahe) June 1, 2018
Emily Parker is a musician, writer, and avid reader who started Bucket List Book Reviews, the ‘1,001 Books to Read Before You Die’ project. For Sweatpants & Coffee, Emily hopes to inspire the reading of the classics by a whole new audience by only reviewing the really good stuff.
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