Tweet Roundup | This Week’s Funniest Tweets About Being a Good Person, BUT…

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I’m a good person BUT:

When I offer my food to share, I’m secretly expecting you to politely refuse.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person but…

If my PTA meeting gets out tonight at 7? I’m sitting in my car until I’m sure my husband has put the kids to bed.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person BUT:

I sit on the toilet an extra 30 minutes after I’m done pooping.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person BUT:

My kids believe that a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese yields only two small servings.

In unrelated news, I can fit a large wooden spoon in my mouth.

— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person, but:

I have been known to give my kids the finger when they’re not looking.#parenting #dadlife

— Jack’s Dad (@DaddingAround) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person but…

I will purposefully take more time if you’re trying to vulture my parking space.#Imagoodpersonbut

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person BUT,

I will *put away my good lotion and expensive face products before you come stay with me

*Hide

— Stephani (@Steph_A_Nanny) April 11, 2019

I’m a good person but…

I’m still going to take the last breadstick.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 11, 2019

I’m a good person but…

Sometimes I tell my kids my treat is too spicy for them. Even when it’s a donut.#Imagoodpersonbut

— LlamaFace (@duck_surprise) April 11, 2019

[At the Pearly Gates]

St. Peter: I’m sorry Michael, you’re not on the list.

Me: But I was a good person!

St. Peter: Man is not saved through works alon-

Me: When someone would hand a me a flyer on the street I would wait until I was out of sight to throw it away!

St. Peter: pic.twitter.com/3AuBMXEakH

— Michael Martin Garrett (@MichaelMGarrett) April 11, 2019

I’m a good person BUT:

If my kid farts on you while you are holding her, I will laugh until I cry.

— Clueless Mom (@CluelessMomTho1) April 11, 2019

I’m a good person BUT:
I told my kids the ice cream truck was just a truck that drove around playing music for people to enjoy.

— Carolyn Monaghan 🍍🧘🏼‍♀️🧜‍♀️📚🇨🇦 (@fitter_knitter) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person BUT…

…I will help myself to as much ziti as I darn well please, Denise! I waited till the end, and now it’s my turn at the buffet, so back up, and mind your business!

— Philosophy of Dad (@dad_philosophy) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person BUT:

I’ve taught my daughter to cropdust her mother, and it never fails to make me laugh.

— Josh Pivots Too Slowly (@Tryptofantastic) April 10, 2019

I’m a good person BUT…

I let my mom’s calls go to voicemail then check the message to calculate how long I can wait to call her back.

— MommaMarisa (@MommaMarisa326) April 10, 2019

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