I’m a good person BUT:
When I offer my food to share, I’m secretly expecting you to politely refuse.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person but…
If my PTA meeting gets out tonight at 7? I’m sitting in my car until I’m sure my husband has put the kids to bed.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person BUT:
I sit on the toilet an extra 30 minutes after I’m done pooping.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person BUT:
My kids believe that a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese yields only two small servings.
In unrelated news, I can fit a large wooden spoon in my mouth.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person, but:
I have been known to give my kids the finger when they’re not looking.#parenting #dadlife
— Jack’s Dad (@DaddingAround) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person but…
I will purposefully take more time if you’re trying to vulture my parking space.#Imagoodpersonbut
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person BUT,
I will *put away my good lotion and expensive face products before you come stay with me
*Hide
— Stephani (@Steph_A_Nanny) April 11, 2019
I’m a good person but…
I’m still going to take the last breadstick.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 11, 2019
I’m a good person but…
Sometimes I tell my kids my treat is too spicy for them. Even when it’s a donut.#Imagoodpersonbut
— LlamaFace (@duck_surprise) April 11, 2019
[At the Pearly Gates]
St. Peter: I’m sorry Michael, you’re not on the list.
Me: But I was a good person!
St. Peter: Man is not saved through works alon-
Me: When someone would hand a me a flyer on the street I would wait until I was out of sight to throw it away!
St. Peter: pic.twitter.com/3AuBMXEakH
— Michael Martin Garrett (@MichaelMGarrett) April 11, 2019
I’m a good person BUT:
If my kid farts on you while you are holding her, I will laugh until I cry.
— Clueless Mom (@CluelessMomTho1) April 11, 2019
I’m a good person BUT:
I told my kids the ice cream truck was just a truck that drove around playing music for people to enjoy.— Carolyn Monaghan 🍍🧘🏼♀️🧜♀️📚🇨🇦 (@fitter_knitter) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person BUT…
…I will help myself to as much ziti as I darn well please, Denise! I waited till the end, and now it’s my turn at the buffet, so back up, and mind your business!
— Philosophy of Dad (@dad_philosophy) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person BUT:
I’ve taught my daughter to cropdust her mother, and it never fails to make me laugh.
— Josh Pivots Too Slowly (@Tryptofantastic) April 10, 2019
I’m a good person BUT…
I let my mom’s calls go to voicemail then check the message to calculate how long I can wait to call her back.
— MommaMarisa (@MommaMarisa326) April 10, 2019
Emily Parker is a musician, writer, and avid reader who started Bucket List Book Reviews, the ‘1,001 Books to Read Before You Die’ project. For Sweatpants & Coffee, Emily hopes to inspire the reading of the classics by a whole new audience by only reviewing the really good stuff.
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