In today’s meeting my boss asked what I brought to the table, as if he didn’t know it was marshmallow Peeps.
— De Nada Donna (@Donna_McCoy) April 3, 2017
I’m mostly at work M-F so you shouldn’t ask me to hang out and by the weekend, I just wanna lay in bed. Best bet is to not ask me at all.
— Ant (@Trill__Parcells) April 4, 2017
when some people talk to me at work it’s so hard to not do the jerk off motion.
— The Getaway Girl (@The_GetawayGirl) April 7, 2017
my bank account says I need a job but my mental health says i need to sleep all day and never leave my bed
— Speak Comedy (@SpeakComedy) April 7, 2017
Yesterday my boss told me he pours his milk before his cereal and I almost quit on the spot
— doomsong123 (@juiceDoom) April 7, 2017
Me at work all day pic.twitter.com/zl1Q62cfui
— Guerra 🇩🇴 (@Captain_Guerra) April 7, 2017
If you’d told me when I was 6 that my job as an adult would involve having to hold a mouse for most of the day, I’d have been very excited.
— cluedont (@cluedont) April 5, 2017
My boss said it was my job to find out who has been eating other people’s food in the break room. After 10 minutes I found it was him.
— W.E.B. Dat Boi (@AquaMarching) April 5, 2017
I told my boss I couldn’t make it to work because of the weather.
“But it’s sunny outside” he said
“Exactly” I replied, cracking open a beer
— Bob Kostic (@causticbob) April 7, 2017
Coworker: How you doin?
Me: *uncomfortable because one of my bra straps is slightly longer than the other* terrible
— Space Cat (@catstronomical) April 7, 2017
— The Splat (@thesplat) April 7, 2017
My boss said I need to be more professional so I slid across the bonnet of his car in a leather jacket.
— Scott Hoad (@ScottHoad) April 3, 2017
Coworker: Did I catch you at a bad time?
Me: Yes. I peaked in 1993.
— Lloyd Rang (@lloydrang) April 7, 2017
I laughed in front of my coworker last night, which made me fart a little bit,
he didn’t hear it but I told him anyway…
How’s your day..
— milan (@lucky_300) March 31, 2017
My boss bought us all tacos (because it’s Taco Tuesday obviously) and I just realized I can never leave this job.
— hot cheetos limón (@MackkBabyy_) March 28, 2017