Wife: You’re having more Halloween candy?
Me: I’m in training for Thanksgiving. You think that kind of gluttony is easy?
(Puts on headband)
(Turns on eye of the tiger)
(Opens a snickers)
— Jeff (@dadsrpeopletoo) November 8, 2018
“Daddy, did you eat some of my Halloween candy?”
— Chris (@ChrisDotWeb) November 8, 2018
*bribes the guy who gives out parking tickets with halloween candy
— Ainsley Sawyer (@ainsleysawyer) November 8, 2018
I’m at the point in the year where leftover Halloween candy is breakfast.
— Casey Wright (@WrightToLife) November 8, 2018
My 21-month-old went to bed and left his Halloween candy downstairs unprotected. pic.twitter.com/KZz4IXPCp4
— Brandon Mileski (@BMileskiKFAN) November 4, 2018
#CouldNotStopMyself from hoarding discounted Halloween candy cause it went 70% off
— House of J_Town (@J_TownDadio) November 8, 2018
I told myself after my Halloween candy was out of my apartment I would eat healthier, so to help myself get to being healthy quicker I’m eating all my candy 😂🤷🏼♀️🙃 #adulting #eatingmyfeelings pic.twitter.com/3VksBq6rin
— Courtney Johnson (@CeeJayy1115) November 8, 2018
My Weight Watchers coach talked about mini candy bars & how much you have to exercise to burn off the calories—like it’s even possible to shame me into not stealing my kid’s Halloween candy.
— 🦃 Suds o’Bitches 🦃 (@SudsBitches) November 6, 2018
Have entered the “peanut M&Ms are a sensible protein source” stage of leftover Halloween candy consumption.
— Molly Fitzpatrick (@mollyfitz) November 5, 2018
Me: *eats leftover Halloween candy for dinner*
— Kayla Kirby (@kirbykayla13) November 7, 2018
Alexa, eat the rest of the Halloween candy.
— Christine (@Sweetonme81) November 3, 2018
Me: I just put the kids to bed so it looks like it’s just the two of us. *bites lower lip*
Bag of Halloween candy:
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 2, 2018
fiance: I can’t find any almond joys in the Halloween candy bag
— leah s (@khaleahsi) November 8, 2018
While yelling at my kids to put the Halloween candy away, I conflated Reese’s Pieces and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and said Reese’s Penis, and the 10-year-old almost threw up laughing at me.
— Grant Brisbee (@GrantBrisbee) November 2, 2018
I didn’t go to the gym this morning, but I’m not going to any half-off Halloween candy sales either, so as I see it the scales are even.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) November 1, 2018