Shower curtains are designed to be closed when the shower isn't in use!
Just when I thought marriage arguments couldn't get any dumber..
— Laura Christine (@lcwf70) July 1, 2016
Marriage is just putting on a movie then looking to the other end of the couch and asking "You still awake?" every 10 minutes until it ends.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 1, 2016
My wife just left me alone with two kids which makes her a terrible parent.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) July 1, 2016
I just walked in on my wife looking at shirtless pictures of LeBron James.
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) June 30, 2016
Being married to me is like The Hunger Games. You're already terrified, and then I dash each dream, one by one.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) June 30, 2016
my future husband will receive one of these everyday pic.twitter.com/dNMlt5zc0D
— Common White Girl (@cwgtxts) July 1, 2016
pro move by my wife last night as she secretly got up to turn down the thermostat to colder then crawled back in bed & hogged all the covers
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) June 28, 2016
My wife and I have been together almost 13 years and she still giggles if I come out of the bathroom naked.
— Tom Fletcher (@TomFletcher) June 27, 2016
just watched the parents whose kids I nanny for Rock Paper Scissors for who buys toilet paper later. #marriagegoals
— Julia Shiflett (@shiflett821) June 28, 2016
My wife is running the television remote so I guess we are just slowly watching the guide tonight.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 29, 2016
Relationship goals🙌🏻 pic.twitter.com/N0dLNe9FFJ
— The Notebook (@BestTextMsgs) June 30, 2016
Blue Apron is the only thing holding my marriage together
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) July 1, 2016
One of the keys to a healthy marriage is knowing when to say, “Perfect. Let’s go with that color. Great choice.”
— Ron White (@Ron_White) June 30, 2016
If poetry is the language of love, then sarcasm must be the language of marriage.
— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) June 28, 2016
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
— Eddy (@EddyEA237) June 22, 2016