I didn’t eat my kid’s cold leftover fries is this what being an adult is
— Vision BOOOOUred 🇨🇦👻 (@VisionBored1) October 18, 2019
6 y/o: Daddy, what’s a boy witch called?
Me: A witch?
6 y/o: You’re a witch.
— 🎃 Mal🦇 (@TheRealPalMal) October 18, 2019
This morning the toddler lay in bed with us going over his list of the ”best way to kill a zombie.” For those of you who are interested, his choice methods are: Flamethrower and a BIG BIG Sword.
Would we survive?
— Mummy Dear 🤦🏼♀️ (@ThatMummyLife) October 18, 2019
Hubs just said to the boys, “Let’s end this attitude era and start a gratitude era.”
I love this man and his foolish optimism.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) October 18, 2019
4yo: I want to be a zombie for Halloween
4yo: but a nice zombie
Me: what’s a nice zombie like
4yo: he has no blood on him
Me: oh I see
4yo: and clean clothes
4yo: and no cuts or holes in his face
4yo: and he isn’t dead
Me: a human, you want to be a human
— B O L L O C K S (@ItsAllBollocks) October 18, 2019
My 3 year old daughter has started the day by proposing games she actually named “Who Makes a Mess First” and “Who Screams Loudest” and why don’t kids understand that morning is for regretting your very existence until noon?
— Arianna DEADford 💀🎃👻 (@TheNYAMProject) October 18, 2019
My first born made me appreciate what it means to be a father.
My second born made me appreciate what it means to use a condom.
— Macho Man Jonesy Savage 🇨🇦 (@Jonesy_donkey) October 18, 2019
We put up a checklist in 10’s room to help him stay on task in the mornings, so we don’t have to keep nagging him to get ready faster, and today he spent like 15 min scribbling “this is bullshit” all over it and then had to leave in a rush so yeah, I’d say it’s going pretty well.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 18, 2019
me: *drops donut on the kitchen floor*
13 year-old daughter: five second rule *picks it up and eats it*
wife: you have ruined her
— Josh the Alfrighty (@Tryptofantastic) October 17, 2019
my toddler has stopped saying “yes”
and has replaced it in every instance with “of course!”
and I love it.
— ⛄️Anthony🎶Holden⛄️ (@nthonyholden) October 18, 2019
Today’s tantrum brought to you by:
My unwillingness to remove my shirt and give it to my toddler…while I was driving.
— SarahcasticMommy (@SarahcasticMom) October 18, 2019
once in 3rd grade this kid on the bus called me fuck nut and i, a little bitch, went to tell my mom. i didn’t wanna repeat what he called me so she said to just whisper it. so, tiny, buck-toothed, 7 year old me then softly whispered the words “fuck nut” into my own mother’s ear.
— brayden bauer // (@im_your_density) October 18, 2019
My 10 yr old got an F for his Accelerated Reader grade.
Me, “How did you make an F?!”
10, “Why do you say that so angrily? Maybe F means Fantastic. Maybe First place? Maybe Phenomenal.”
So close, kid. So. Close.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 17, 2019
Me: You want to watch My Little Pony?
3YO: No! It’s not YOUR Little Pony. It’s MY Little Pony.
Me: I know, but the name of the movie is actually My Little Pony.
3YO: It’s not YOURS! It’s MINE!
Me: Fine. Do you want to watch Your Little Pony?
3YO: Yes. *sips chocolate milk*
— Jennifer Michelle Greenberg ☕ (@JennMGreenberg) October 17, 2019
*Watching TV ,in bed , with 2yo*
2yo: mommy I’m going to help daddy make breakfast, you stay here and watch Paw Patrol okay!
Me: I don’t really like Paw Patrol, can I watch my show?
2 confused: But, it’s Paw Patrol!
— 🎃Heathers love Halloween, 👻 love Halloween 🎃 (@dishs_up) October 18, 2019