While playing a board game, my 7-year-old helped her guinea pig by rolling the dice for him, moving his game piece, and consoling him when he inevitably lost to her because she’s selfless like that.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 22, 2019
My 3yo has been doing speech therapy, and he’s gone from using unintelligible words and incomplete sentences to saying things like “His belly is too big,” and “He has a booger in his nose,” and “My mommy has a bagina,” so it’s safe to say this kid is making solid progress.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) May 23, 2019
2yo: *pointing* I want dat.
Me: *pointing at same thing*
2: NO!!! *flails irately *
Me: OK, what do you want?
*points at same thing*
Me: This. This right here?
*points at literally the exact same thing as before*
— What just happened? (@anxiouscougar) May 23, 2019
I just spent 11 minutes explaining to my 3 year old why going to the playground doesn’t require a whisk.
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) May 21, 2019
3- Oh No! Mommy you’re naked!!
Me- Well if that bothers you, you could get out and close the door til I finish changing 🤦🏼♀️🙄
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) May 21, 2019
*makes toast for 4*
6: “Can I have toast too?”
*makes toast for 6*
4: “Can I have another piece of toast?”
*continues making toast forever, dies by the toaster, headstone says “She died doing what she loved”*
St Peter: “So, I heard you make toast”
*chooses hell instead*
— Mother Cusser (@MotherCussr) February 24, 2019
My 8-yr-old son: “Playing soccer at recess, a boy on my team said we were going to win because the other team was all girls.”
8: “I told him girls can be as good or better than boys.”
8: “And guess what, Dad. Those girls kicked our butts.”
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) May 18, 2019
4: Mom, did that guy tell you happy mother’s day?
Me: Haha, no.
4: Why not?
Me: Well, he has no way of knowing if I’m a mom or not.
4: Can’t he just tell by looking at you?
— Just me (@Insomnia_Land) May 14, 2019
8: Hey mama [something I can’t understand]
ME: I can’t hear you. I’m in the shower.
8: [more, I can’t understand]
ME: I’m in the shower!
ELLE WOODS: So you were in the shower?
CHUTNEY: I was in the shower.
JUDGE: We have established that she was in the shower.
— mama mama all the drama (@crabbyneedsanap) July 30, 2018
How to make meals for toddlers:
Step 1. Choose any food.
Step 2. Throw it away.
— MammaR (@mammascorpio) May 26, 2019
“I’m not going to repeat myself!”
— Jack’s Dad (@DaddingAround) May 26, 2019
My 2 yo watching me eat basically anything : I wan some!!!
Me: you want a taste?
Me: here ya go.
2: *chews, spits into hand, gives it back*
I no like dat.
Every 👏 day 👏.
— What just happened? (@anxiouscougar) May 29, 2019
Potty training is going well pic.twitter.com/ZVsj9zxXkV
— Mamasaurus Rex🦖 (@Cynical_Parent) May 26, 2019
*puts 2yo in swing*
2yo: Push me higher!
*pushes her higher*
2yo: Too faster, too faster!
2yo: Noooooo! Higher, higher!
*starts pushing again*
2yo, flailing and now screaming: Too faster!!
*submits resignation notice*
— Mamma Khan (@khanandkin) October 19, 2018
Me: “I think I’m going to take the baby for a nice bike ride today.”
*Spend the 30 min we’re on the bike trying to stop him from grabbing my underwear and giving me a wedgie and sticking Cheerios down my pants*
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) May 26, 2019