From the looks of my bathroom, my 3yo thinks aiming his pee into the toilet bowl is something like being a special operations sniper trying to hit a high-stakes criminal target from 2 miles away.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 27, 2018
Of all of the reasons my children cry, “sneezed yogurt into my own eye” was a new one for me this morning. #whymykidiscrying
— Miz Parker (@mizpahka) November 27, 2018
Me: get that paper out your mouth!
My kid: pic.twitter.com/Gc8zyz3vHJ
— The Grinch (@DickheadRey) November 28, 2018
My son sent a letter to Santa. I hope it gets there. It doesn’t have any postage on it and he put it in the bathroom heater vent.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 27, 2018
Welcome to parenting: Your child can recite all the intricate details of the latest Roblox update, but can’t remember where he left his homework last night.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 27, 2018
Don’t talk to me or my son ever again pic.twitter.com/u9wYwzoDPy
— Fabio (@AngryLokus) November 28, 2018
3yo from the other room: help…. help!….HELP, HELP ME! HEEEELLLLLPPPPP!!
Me running in: what? What is it? What is so urgent?
M: you were just screaming ‘help’!
— Mom Life (@kidsvsmom) November 28, 2018
— Kelly-Ann W (@kappachinoja) November 28, 2018
Me, before kids: when I have kids I will spend all my time bonding and loving them 🙂
Me, yesterday: [hands my child $5] go outside and don’t come back in for the next 3 hours
— The Dad (@thedad) November 28, 2018
Can I please take a break from all this work?
-my kid, who has picked up 4 stuffed animals and a spoon
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) November 27, 2018
When my kid repeats something I said at home in front family 👊🏽 pic.twitter.com/brbU897Npt
— Brad So Agg⚪️ (@Swaggzilla_) November 28, 2018
4yo: Snack mama?
Mama: Sure, what do you want?
4yo: Rainbow Cheerios, Mama.
4: Rainbow Cheerios!!
4: RAINBOW CHEERIOS!!!!
Mama: *pours him bowl of Fruit Loops*
4: Thank you Mama!!
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 27, 2018
My child has decided he doesn’t need naps or sleep in general anymore so needless to say I am half dead.
— Lauren (@savedbygrays) November 28, 2018
I found myself negotiating with my 5yo over how much candy she deserves after dinner and judging by the two suckers she is now eating simultaneously I have a strong feeling I lost.
— Shaun (@Shaundsmith80) November 28, 2018
My 4yo is playing in a large box.
Me: “Is that your rocket ship? Your castle? Your voyaging boat?”
4yo: “Nope. It’s my garbage can. I live in it.”
Dream big kid.
— boujie native 💫 (@kloqowej) November 27, 2018