My New Year's Resolution is to have a clean home & get my shit together.
-In other news my kids are up for adoption.
— Funny Mom (@hilariouswifey) December 31, 2016
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: pic.twitter.com/kHda25YWM8
— Bitch Problem👸🏼 (@FemaleTexts) December 31, 2016
New Years resolution: only chill for like 20 minutes naked on your phone after a shower instead of a full hour
— NEW YEAR NEW BARTY🎉 (@abarty_intheusa) December 31, 2016
New Year's resolution pic.twitter.com/CbBzQ1vUVs
— tumblr posts (@saucysloots) December 31, 2016
New Years resolution: less bitter more glitter
— Sarcasm Tweets (@SarcasmTxts) December 31, 2016
New years resolution: to go into the year as confident as the guy on catfish who believes he's in a relationship with Katy Perry.
— Jessica Davies (@_JessicaDavies) December 31, 2016
Most people's New Years resolution: eat healthy, work out, etc. Mine: Be able to sing "Immigrants" including Spanish parts. #HamiltonMixtape
— Paige (@pkb1523) December 31, 2016
Not sure if my resolution should be to get back into my gym schedule or to stop paying for the gym membership I don't use
— McSass (@QueenOfSass) December 30, 2016
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it’s socially acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 29, 2016
New Years resolution: stop telling people I'll for sure come out with them when I know perfectly well my only plans are Netflix and sleeping
— Sorority Probs 💁🏼 (@SORORlTYPROBS) December 29, 2016
i feel like ross when he said his new years resolution was to have "no divorces in '99" and ended up getting divorced twice
— emma (@boreanazs) December 27, 2016
Startup idea: a gym named Resolution that runs for the 1st month of the year, collects subscription fee, then converts to a bar named Regret
— Siddharth Singh (@siddharth3) December 27, 2016
My New Years resolution is to try and put less than 4 chapsticks through the washer & dryer next year.
— Shawn Booth (@Shawn_Booth) December 27, 2016
new years resolution: "Eat Healthy! Don't do drugs! Always look your best!"
january 1st: pic.twitter.com/opluy7DQKU
— ㅤ (@semisexuaI) December 26, 2016
New Year's Resolution 3: Actually eat the groceries I buy instead of turning them into science experiments in my fridge & getting Taco Bell.
— Brittany Jackson (@brotnoff) December 31, 2016