There’s really no graceful way to start carrying on with a bunch of people you don’t even know as if they’re your Homepeeps, so I guess some preliminaries are in order. First, I’m Christy, or Chrissa as most of my friends call me. If you really love you me you can address me as Chrissabean but since we’re not that close yet, I don’t expect such things from you.

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[image via Nashvillelifestyles.com]

I love to talk about this show and here at Sweatpants & Coffee, I can squawk on and on about Gunner’s hairflip.  While we’re hopping in this Bounce House of fun together at episode 34, “Just for What I Am”, I’ll give you a little bit of background:

I ADORE the everlovin’ shit out of Connie Britton. I am a devout and obsessed (and still recovering) Friday Night Light’s Alum. I also thought she was great in American Horror Story, but even if she had been terrible, let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have cared. I just really, really like her. I also really like Hayden Panettiere. I can’t even tell you why I like her. I quit Heroes after two seasons and I didn’t think she was all that exceptional. I was most fascinated by her dating Milo Ventimiglia, if I’m being perfectly honest. They broke up and I still like her, so that’s where we’re at. I was very anxious for this show prior to the premier and just prayed it didn’t suck. I am now a huge fan. Huge. BIG. (Mad props if you just pictured Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman saying that). So, now that we’ve established my crazy:

Rayna: Love her, can’t stand most of the douchebags she dates.

Teddy: Fond of him, I’d kind of like to see him throw a nice girl against a wall in a passionate make-out session or something. This poor guy has so much potential. I would absolutely date him.

Deacon, Deacon, Deacon: Stay off the sauce, get the girl. It’s not Rocket Science.

Scarlett: Why can I decide if I like her a lot or not? I love her voice, I love her hair (now that we’ve established some order to it) and she’s just neat. But, jeeze girl, why all the tears?

Gunner: Glad the angries are over, they bummed me out. Gunner is hot. Chrissa likes Gunner. I just wish he was a smidge smarter.

Juliette: Why won’t she let me hate her? I disliked her so hard, especially when she dumped Tilky Jones the hottest pretend Pro Football Player ever, but now I love her and I cannot even tell you why.

Avery: Oh, Lucky, he’s come so far, that one. He was being such a little dickhead, and ultra whiny, and boooom now he’s awesome and I want to give him all of my woots.

Gay Roommate with Anger Issues living in the closet:  Stopppp it. I’ve never liked this guy, and now I like him even less. I do, however, really like his Edgehill Records boyfriend. Meow.

Coming out of last week and Scarlett’s ugly cry while feeling the Kelly Clarkston meeting…I think I said to my TV “Really? I mean, REALLLLLY??” more times than is considered acceptable for being completely alone in a room. I get it. You dumped Avery for Gunner because Avery was a prick. Then Gunner was a prick and you stood up for yourself and dumped him, atta girl. Then you got back together with Avery. Now you’ve dumped Avery. Okay, life is hard. I feel ya. But that’s Kelly Fucking Clarkston, pretty much the nicest girl ever. Have a margarita with her and become besties. Tell her the haps. Go shopping…but you don’t cry and run out of the room.  We are absolutely not anything alike you and I.

But look at you this week! Singing with the Zac Brown Band? When this show began I took to GetGlue and Hulu just to try and find people to talk about this show with, and those people? Merciless. Besides just being straight up mean, they contended almost unilaterally that Scarlett couldn’t sing. I argued that I thought she had the voice of an angel.  Now she’s singing with the Zac Brown Band. Now what! It can’t be just me if the Zac Brown Band let her on to sing with them. If you want to counter with “Well ABC paid them” then I tell you to shut your face. Speaking of, how does that work? Do you tell the audience, “Hey guys, this girl’s going to join in and it’s going to be great, can you dig it?”

Then we’ve got Gunner LITERALLY running into Jay DeMarcus of Rascal Flatts.

I’m really happy to see some big Nashville names appearing on this show, it makes the possibility of cancellation far less imminent and I feel that it validates my obsession with it. See guys, I told you it isn’t shit! Rascal Flatts and Kelly Clarkston are on it.

Deacon and Rayna. Do these two not have a button to press aside from singing, fighting or sexing? Deacon co-writing  this song with Rayna leads me to think the show is finally going to head in the right  direction with the two of them, because he’s sober, has been brushing his hair annnnnd I get all the exciteds…

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…and just like all of those times before when I got the exciteds, by show’s end these two are seemingly growing into deeper situations with other people. I just don’t understand how they can deny me a Family Trio with Maddie and her glorious pipes. I guess I need to decide that the other storylines will have to be what I care about since Rayna and Deacon are to going date buckets of meaningless people indefinitely instead of each other.  The inevitable Juliette and Avery love scenes will hopefully make up for this.

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Also?  Effing Luke Wheeler. I can’t STAND this guy. I like him even less than the last dude Rayna was randomly sleeping with. I like him less and less every single time I see his face. Why?

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This is the most ridiculous relationship.

How many times has she even seen him? Like thrice? Maybe twice with the lights ON? I am in no way trying to slut shame here. I was a woman about town myself once. But you’re suddenly seriously enough to “go public” and to meet the girls? I don’t judge anyone for knockin’ boots on date two, but how many people do that, send a bouquet a flowers then BLAM!  They’re a SuperThing?  Groaaaan.  I sound so neggy. I just really don’t like Luke Wheeler. I know, I know, you get it. Now who’s all tantrumy? It’s contagious!

I’m glad Avery finally tracked down Juliette and I’m really glad that despite what the previews suggested she didn’t overdose. Also, I’d like her ass.  The two of them singing on the streets was a little far-fetched because who wouldn’t recognize Taylor Swift Juliette Barnes? But that scene was really adorable.

Okay, if I didn’t make you hate me, see you next week?

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